First think, does he need it? If you want to get to know him better as a doctor, I think he doesn't need it. If it’s like with just a person, then that’s how you get to know each other (there are no universal recipes here). The main thing - do not reduce communication to a discussion of medical issues. How does it get! On the one hand, thoughts begin to creep in that from the point of view of those around you, you can only talk about medicine. On other issues, you are a complete fool and there is nothing to talk to you about. On the other hand, no matter how much a person loves his profession, you also need to take a break from it. It infuriates when people start consulting you at the festive table. I either offer to undress and get on the examination table or thank God loudly that I am not a proctologist
Comments
You would describe a successful and unsuccessful example of making acquaintances from your medical practice, it would be interesting!
Jeanne, I'll give you an example. 1993, I just got divorced from my first wife, I'm 26 years old, I don't have a permanent partner. Call 03 (I am a paramedic, acting as a doctor, in the absence. Personnel shortage). A 20-year-old girl dropped the needle on the floor and stepped on it. The needle broke in his leg - he can't walk, he jumps with difficulty, his parents went to rest, he sits alone, he spends the night in the yard. I took him to the hospital to have the needle removed. She jumps on one leg, and she felt so sorry for her - he picked her up and carried her to the car. The driver said - well, this is how you carry a bride. The needle was removed, there was no one to take it for dressings, he came once, he came twice - that's how they lived together for a whole year. Probably snuggled well when he carried. But remember - it is easier for a doctor with a doctor. It was only Soviet lyrics that claimed that the worker fell in love with the teacher, and she began to pull him over. It's hard when the family doesn't understand you, but how will the manager's wife understand you? She has her bells and whistles at work, the doctor has his own. It's only love - blind. Cohabitation is rational. Especially when the kids go...
Well, I don’t know, probably it’s not necessary to thump with accountants. In a company with doctors, there are no such problems. There are all their own and the conversation goes on the topic ... Always. As one good friend of mine said: "If more than 2 doctors have gathered at the table, the speech is sure, sooner or later, but it will definitely go on g @ outside ..." Indeed, a verified alcohol test ...
My wife and I are doctors. We work each for 25 years "with a ponytail". We met, of course, at work. In the evening we sit down to have dinner together and agree that not a word about work. At the same time, the son begins to laugh ... We have enough for 15 minutes.
Elementary Watson! Call the doctor at home!
But seriously, I wonder how a male doctor differs from just a man?
Comments
Call a doctor at home? What if he's a pathologist?
But seriously, it’s just that men are on vacation, in a nightclub, etc. and think at this time about acquaintance. Eyes met - sparks went, everything is clear here. And men work at work. Moreover, there are a lot of female colleagues or patients around. Well, a doctor can’t or ... stick to a patient, you can ruin your reputation, lose your job. Therefore, everything is strict. What if the patient does not attract him as a woman, or, indeed, he does not need it? How to understand this and break through the armor? And a similar question worries many girls
I think that the emphasis is on the profession in the sense that this is the only place where Ekaterina has the opportunity (reason) to meet the man she likes. Well, she just doesn't know where he lives, where he hangs out, what clubs he goes to (whether he goes at all). Those. meeting is possible only in the hospital. For the rest, you are right: you can let the person you like know how attractive he is to you not verbally, without violating conventional decency and not at all ambiguous ...
I think you are being deceitful. Every woman from the cradle knows how to please a man. And he feels whether he likes her. Whether he is a doctor or not is not important. It is even easier with a doctor, he has a contact job, he is in contact with people all the time. I would also understand if you complained that you could not get acquainted with an employee of the Ministry of Internal Affairs working undercover, or with a miner in Moscow, or with an astronaut in the village of Bolshoy Mamon. Now, on the merits of the problem - several 100% working Fennecs: 1. Theme "advise my mother" (girlfriend, brother, etc.) From the series: "Doctor, I wanted to ask you, my mother has a problem, it hurts a lot ...". You choose the time for the end of his working day, come to the curtain and: "oh, what a pity, I was late, maybe you can tell me on the way to the metro ... 2. The game of interest. Requires some mental strain, but quite accessible even to a blonde way. Search the Internet for some topic according to his profile, read, choose the time and ... Then with all the stops.And the doctor is wrong - every person loves when someone asks for his advice, and even a girl, and even on a topic where knowledge can be Of course, then you need to translate the conversation into simple communication, but you won’t be able to keep up a conversation with a doctor on his professional topics. Transfer the arrows to a neutral channel. But if a man doesn’t need this, then of course nothing will come of it. But if necessary, even if just a temporary flirtation - he will understand everything and support the game... Well, then, everything depends on mutual desire and mutual sympathy ...
What to answer to a woman who shared the situation: “I fell in love with my doctor, what should I do?” First of all, you should listen to her, but you should not give advice. Falling in love with a doctor is a common situation during illness. The doctor at this stage of life is the closest person.
A woman is always a woman, even when she is sick. She wants care, attention, to listen, to sympathize. And next to her at this time, by the will of fate, there is a man who does all this. This man is a doctor. Sometimes he sits by the bed for hours - if the situation is difficult.
A woman involuntarily begins to compare him with the men around her before and understands that they are insensitive and inattentive. They talk about themselves all the time.
For some women, 2-3 meetings with a doctor are enough to understand: "I fell in love with a doctor." Then they begin to seek additional communication, sometimes feigning illness in order to see each other again. This brings emotional distress to the woman and inconvenience to the doctor.
If you remember psychological term, then this state is called transfer. It seems that love is being tested for the doctor. If you dig deeper, it is gratitude and respect.
Most often, women fall in love with psychotherapists, neurologists and gynecologists. The deeper the sphere of treatment concerns the intimate sphere, the more it seems to the woman that the doctor is paying special attention, and she only responds to feelings.
If you fell in love with a doctor, what should you do? Go to explain, or try to quietly transfer meetings and communication with the doctor to the everyday level?
Be sure to try to look at the situation soberly. Showing attention is work, not an indicator of tender feelings. The doctor delicately and carefully tries to fulfill his duties, realizing that some questions must be asked quite delicately. Many doctors often flirt involuntarily with patients, but only because it seems to them that it is easier to communicate this way.
If the doctor really shows attention, he will make it clear in the same way as the rest of the men - he will say so. Meetings with shy doctors are the exception to the rule. Doctors listen to intimate details every day. Rather, there is a chance to meet a cynical doctor.
I fell in love with a doctor, what should I do? Before looking for subtext and sympathy in the words of the doctor, take a closer look at how he communicates with other patients. If in the same way, touching during the examination, he interrogates other patients, then you need to understand - this is work.
A woman who has fallen in love with her doctor should think about whether she wants to have a man next to her who constantly gives women the same signs of attention as he once showed her? If the doctor's wife does not understand that at work her husband is not a man, then the family breaks up.
A doctor who enters into personal communication with patients violates medical ethics - this must be taken into account. He may be a knowledgeable specialist, but a dishonorable person. If a doctor allowed himself an affair with one patient, then he would certainly allow himself with another.
After the medical assistance is no longer necessary for the patient, if the woman has a normal psyche, her love for the doctor disappears.
A patient with an unstable psyche who fell in love with a doctor gives him a lot of problems. She can follow the doctor, make phone calls. We can conclude that she really needs a doctor, but already a certain specialty.
You can sympathize with the doctor, but in many cases he himself is to blame. Incorrectly assessed the current situation, went too far in any jokes or actions. It is best that he speak directly with the former patient and explain that he did all the actions directed in her direction at work for her good, in order to give self-confidence and help her recover faster.
And there is no need to delay the conversation, being afraid to hurt the woman. The sooner it happens, the easier it will be for both.
Sometimes a woman believes that she has remained in love and, so that the doctor does not forget about her, gives him small souvenirs for the holidays - for example, on the day of the physician or on February 23. If you analyze the situation more deeply, it turns out not to be in love. The woman subconsciously fears that her health may worsen, and tries to stay in contact with the doctor. When the situation suits both parties, there is nothing to worry about.
The most important thing is that the treatment helps. Mental problems will be solved later.
What to do when a patient fell in love with a doctor, understands that the doctor does not return her feelings, but cannot cope with them? She needs to see a psychologist or psychotherapist in order not to become depressed. For consultation, it is desirable to choose a female specialist.
There are also situations when not only the patient fell in love with her doctor, but the doctor also falls in love with her. What to do in this case? Get married and have children. Families in which relationships began at the doctor-patient stage are not uncommon.
25.11.2004, 18:10
It would be interesting to hear opinions on the "non-working" relationship between doctor and patient. This does not mean the common truths of the Hippocratic oath, but how do you personally feel about the possibility of personal relationships with the patient (patient), of course by mutual agreement:); have you observed this in your practice.
25.11.2004, 18:57
The Hippocratic Oath is something else.
And relationships .... this is life!
Anything can happen and I don’t see it as a crime, except for a number of diagnoses, especially within the framework of my specialty .... this is not only impossible, but also criminal in essence.
25.11.2004, 20:00
What are the problems, exactly? There are patients who have become friends (and friends), there are also friends who have become patients... The only thing that sometimes tires me is that for some reason they never forget that I am a doctor... There is some inconvenience in this... For example, a company gathered in a sauna - no one asks a hairdresser for advice on how to cut a haircut, an accountant, how best to submit a quarterly report ... But there are always questions about the state of health ... But there's nothing to be done about it.
25.11.2004, 20:53
About friends and patients - yes. That is, my friends became my patients, but patients did not become friends.
About the "doctor in the company."
MY friends somehow don't tire me out with work outside of work. But if in the company of parents' friends or at some holiday it is mentioned that I am a dentist - that's all - put out the lights, drain the water. From banal jokes to opening your mouth and poking your finger into a sore tooth with the words: "But what can you do about it?"
Fu, brrr!
25.11.2004, 21:22
This, as far as I understand, is about an intimate relationship between a doctor and a patient, and these relationships are forbidden by the doctor's oath (as far as I remember).
Ah... Then I somehow didn't realize... No, this has never happened in my practice, although I know many cases when there were such close relationships. I even know a couple who met in a hospital - she was a doctor, and he was a patient ... True, they broke up after 3 years, but this is beside the point ... They just didn’t agree on the characters ...
25.11.2004, 21:47
Well here psychotherapists, as always, have tried. Greetings from comrade Sigmund F.
It is believed that the basis of an intimate relationship between a doctor and a patient (of any gender) is initially not entirely healthy, because the relationship is not equal (the patient is less competent, the doctor is more competent, rivalry, the desire to win authority, and a lot of things like that). There is only one opinion here - as soon as the doctor and the patient lie down in the same bed, the treatment ends. The doctor is no longer a doctor, the patient is no longer a patient. I watched a couple of such stories with doctors - psychiatrists of both sexes ... Nothing good ... In my practice, I stop the encroachments of male patients at the very beginning ... encroachments ...
25.11.2004, 22:36
Interesting ... And for those doctors who admit that a relationship with a patient (s) is possible (albeit undesirable): would you take the initiative to the patient you liked) ((- that), if you were not sure that the attraction is mutual, or would you still wait for the initiative from the opposite side? :rolleyes:
26.11.2004, 12:54
Mother said: "Everything happens, son!"
Russian song
However, such relationships are completely unethical and personally unacceptable for me.
26.11.2004, 14:33
Mother said: "Everything happens, son!"
Russian song
Truth speaks through mother's mouth
27.11.2004, 07:55
I was wrong. Somehow he didn't pay attention to it.
But .. I happened to come across in narcology with doctors and psychologists who married patients. It didn't end well. Men don't risk it. ;)
“I swear by Apollo the doctor, Asclepius, Hygieia and Panacea and all the gods and goddesses, taking them as witnesses, to fulfill honestly, according to my strength and my understanding, the following oath and written obligation: to honor the one who taught me on a par with my parents, to share my wealth with him and in case of need to help him in needs; consider his offspring as his brothers, and this is an art, if they want to study it, to teach them free of charge and without any contract; instructions, oral lessons and everything else in the teaching to communicate to their sons, the sons of their teacher and students bound by an obligation and an oath according to the law of medicine, but to no one else. I will direct the regimen of the sick to their advantage, according to my ability and my understanding, refraining from causing any harm and injustice. I will not give to anyone the lethal agent asked of me, nor show the way for such a design; nor would I give any woman an abortion pessary. Purely and undefiled shall I conduct my life and my art. In no case will I make sections in those suffering from stone disease, leaving it to people involved in this matter. Whatever house I enter, I will enter there for the benefit of the sick, being far from everything intentional, unrighteous and pernicious, especially from love affairs with women and men, free and slaves.
Whatever I see or hear about human life during treatment - as well as without treatment - from what should never be divulged, I will keep silent about it, considering such things a secret. To me, who inviolably fulfills the oath, may happiness be given in life and in art, and glory among all people for all eternity; undefined, but to the one who transgresses and takes a false oath, let it be the opposite of this.
Natalya P.
27.11.2004, 13:44
27.11.2004, 14:42
Has every right.
A patient who has recovered is no longer a patient.
And people's lives are different.
Natalya P.
27.11.2004, 15:03
I don't mind at all ;)
May you live happily ever after:)
27.11.2004, 19:39
The detective just likes the attending physician, so she interrogates us to find out. possible reaction before you start to glue it :D
I think it occurred to many, but only you voiced it. “It was smart enough to think of it, but it wasn’t enough to remain silent.” :p (sorry, joke)
In fact, everything is more prosaic. But I like your way of thinking, I'll think about it ... :rolleyes:
By the way, apparently you have some experience in this. Share. ;)
Apparently, I understand that this topic is perhaps not very correct. Many of the doctors present here are registered under their last names, perhaps this will prevent them from speaking more openly (maybe I'm wrong).
Natalya P.
27.11.2004, 19:54
“It was enough to think of it, but it wasn’t enough to remain silent.” (sorry joke)
So they usually say when a person guessed something indecent.
And I myself am a doctor and my experience of gluing doctors refers to the usual relationship between a man and a woman.
27.11.2004, 20:09
Hmm... yeah. Our experience with you, dear Natalya, of "gluing doctors together" is rather classified according to the principle "do not sleep where you work" ... Although, in general, the conclusion is the same ...;)
27.11.2004, 20:11
Hmm... yeah. Our experience with you, dear Natalya, "gluing doctors together" is rather classified according to the principle "do not sleep where you work" ...
Good principle :) If the relationship goes into the stage of purulent decay, it will be difficult to communicate and work. But it’s also more pleasant to work while there is a relationship :).
27.11.2004, 20:13
Natalya P.
27.11.2004, 20:15
There are doctors in other hospitals, besides mine. And also in other cities. :D
And in my health care facility, I don’t care, I’m one of the bosses there. :)
27.11.2004, 20:25
Alas, Alexander, the general rule of such a relationship is much more prosaic: an affair at work is the first step towards the dismissal of one of the parties ... because the romance is fleeting, and obviously you have to work longer ... And few people manage to part like human beings.
1.5 years in the above case with a beautiful separation :), but being in the same room together is still not very comfortable. But there is always time for each other. In other words, there are benefits too. But better not, IMHO
PS According to the subject - with patients - with 100-year-old women + NK2B novels are irrelevant :)
Natalya P.
27.11.2004, 20:28
I read somewhere -
There are 6 billion people on Earth besides employees
;)
27.11.2004, 21:01
PS According to the subject - with patients - with 100-year-old women + NK2B, novels are irrelevant :) 8-) and it’s irrelevant for me in intensive care
28.11.2004, 21:04
At the risk of sounding harsh, but in my opinion, an intimate relationship between a doctor and a patient is unacceptable.
In the USA, there is a rule in medical ethics (by the way, I learned a lot of new and interesting things from medical ethics in the process of preparing for exams) that the relationship between a doctor and a patient is unacceptable even for 2 years after the termination of their doctor-patient relationship.
In the event of a violation of this rule and a lawsuit against the doctor by the patient, the doctor himself will suffer.
But this rule, of course, is violated and the situation is often used by the former patients themselves to obtain money in lawsuits.
29.11.2004, 19:30
Eh, girls!
I read you and thought: "Why not?!"
;)
Natalya P.
29.11.2004, 19:54
"Why not" with whom, with patients or colleagues? :D
30.11.2004, 07:08
* If you can’t, but really want to, then you can * - folk wisdom;)
30.11.2004, 08:11
30.11.2004, 15:12
Hurry before it's like in the USA!
There is nowhere to hurry. One of my acquaintances was almost fired when his anxious subordinate wrote a complaint to the higher authorities about sexual harassment on his part ... It was saved by the fact that, when interviewing the parties, harassment turned out to be a thoughtful look in her direction ... well, the myth that the liquidators of the Chernobyl accident completely impotent.
30.11.2004, 17:02
A young doctor after a busy day at work got to bed and is trying to sleep. But an inner voice nags and reproaches him for sleeping with his patient today.
Trying to somehow drive away the black oils, he starts reasoning: "... probably, after all, I'm not the first ... and she herself provoked me ... and in general, everything was not so bad ... "
and already almost falling asleep, the inner voice throws the last phrase: "... yes, but not all doctors are veterinarians ..."
Natalya P.
30.11.2004, 18:23
Hurry before it's like in the USA!
When we become like in the USA (and I think it will), patients will remember their connections with a doctor many years ago in order to sue. As in the case of Michael Jackson - some young people remember that 20 years ago when they were children, MJ kind of groped them. Or as with B. Clinton - some lady declared in court that some years ago BC harassed her.
30.11.2004, 23:30
When we become like in the USA (and I think it will), patients will remember their connections with a doctor many years ago in order to sue. As in the case of Michael Jackson - some young people remember that 20 years ago when they were children, MJ kind of groped them. Or as with B. Clinton - some lady declared in court that some years ago BC harassed her.
Therefore, it is better to think about the consequences now. :(
As in the United States, due to our mentality and other reasons, we will never (at least during our lifetime) never. After all, they say what it has come to - a girl, going on a date, takes a receipt from a young man, where he undertakes not to say compliments, not to kiss, etc. They meet further, a new receipt is another portion of restrictions. God forbid if you break it, go to court! Yes, and doctors and patients with their medicine are no longer happy
(see messages on the forum), everyone thinks that the other person has not deceived you and suffers from this in every possible way. This is a dead end for them. Also, the law is not retroactive.
01.12.2004, 14:57
01.12.2004, 15:07
Natalya P.
01.12.2004, 17:24
Yes, we have a hard time with you. Sometimes. :)
We love you too :rolleyes: :rolleyes: (I'm making eyes at you)
01.12.2004, 17:46
Well, it certainly won’t be like in the USA ... But it will be like ours, it doesn’t change the principle - until now, a woman has the right to file a lawsuit for rape if she said “no” while already lying in bed ... And witnesses are not needed; )
And what about rape? It was about the relationship between doctor and patient.
In the light of the unfolding fight against fake hospital and medical certificates, several of my friends at once saw their local doctors for the first time and ... started romances with them! Frankly, I felt envious: for a long time in my life there were no romantic adventures ... And medical examinations too. What if I manage to grab a piece of personal happiness in a white coat? But it won’t work, so at least I’ll check my health ...
Dear Doctor Aibolit, he is under investigation...
True, recently not all people in white coats have shown themselves in the best way. Recently, a whole series of "doctors' cases" has died down, as a result of which all the "aybolites" who abused their official position got it. Both those who allegedly molested patients, and those who traded in sick leave. The obscene behavior of male doctors, who during examination “do not respect the personal shyness of the patient”, is most often complained by Muslim women living in the capital. What exactly lies behind this vague wording, the embarrassed women of the East do not specify - they are probably embarrassed.
However, now this question should be clarified. After all, the fight against fake certificates and sick leave has led to the fact that many always busy Muscovites - like me - finally got around to seeing people in white coats in person. Now, in order to leave, say, for a sanatorium or bring a sick leave to work, it is not enough to look into the reception window, you need to visit the doctor personally. And this is only for the better: after all, health must be monitored not in absentia, but in person.
I am ashamed to admit that I am terribly afraid of doctors, and have not visited them for a hundred years. And if you suddenly needed some kind of medical certificate, you followed the easiest and fastest way - you just bought it. But when, in order to finally get a card in the clinic, I found myself within the walls of a medical facility, I realized that it was not at all so scary and even exciting. Especially when the doctor is an interesting man. So I decided to deal, finally, with all my medical problems that I had been saving for more than one year. And at the same time to find the answer to a question that has long interested me: what does the stronger sex in a white coat feel and do when an attractive patient comes to see him and begins to openly flirt?
“If you are afraid to undress in front of a doctor, try to imagine that he is just a man,” says a popular medical joke. Doctors generally have a peculiar sense of humor and an absolute conviction: what is natural is not ugly. And male doctors in women's eyes are covered with a special noble veil - any lady is pleased when the noble knight of a scalpel or phonendoscope comes to the rescue in difficult times and relieves pain. One of my friends, for example, is sure that the doctor is the sexiest male profession. And she confirms this in practice: all her youth she fell in love with medical students, and in the end she married a proctologist. And lives with him soul to soul for more than 10 years.
So, someone is offended by the "molestation" of the doctor, and someone starts an affair and even gets married. This is quite natural, because everyone has their own limits of what is permitted - and what seems normal to some and even likes, others resent. And every doctor develops an individual style of behavior with patients over the years ...
EXPERT COMMENT
Sexologist and psychologist Yana Enikeeva:
- Psychologists have long noted that light flirting improves productivity. Doctors are no exception. Imagine that you absolutely do not like the doctor. Will you be treated by him? Now imagine that he doesn't like you. The third situation: the doctor is nice to you, and he shows his sympathy to you in every possible way. Which of these three doctors would you prefer to be treated by? A slight verbal flirting between the doctor and the patient is quite acceptable - to create a positive mood in the patient. However, no self-respecting doctor will go further. If he allows himself something more, and even more so some actions of a sexual nature, then this is at least a violation of medical ethics. If we are talking about specific sexual harassment, this is a crime that must be reported to the relevant authorities.
Unhealthy interest
Still, it’s scary to go to the doctor: what if (ugh, three times!) He finds something incurable? No, you have to be positive! What gives me enthusiasm is the fact that quite recently, literally at my side, there were two whole love stories with the participation of Aesculapius.
First, my husband left my manicurist Masha.
Mashin's husband is an anesthetist, and moonlights as a "doctor-hangmetologist" - he takes him out of hard drinking at home. And so they called him to the drinking peasant. The patient lay motionless on the couch. His wife fussed around him. Mashkin's pohmetologist did everything he was supposed to do: he put on a drip and gave the poor fellow sleeping pills. The drunkard passed out, and his wife offered tea and coffee to the doctor. The feast, apparently, ended in bed. Right under the side of my husband, who snores under a dropper. And the very next day, the hangmetologist announced to his wife, a manicurist, that he fell in love with another.
Well, my own husband, I apologize for the details, signed up for a course deep cleaning intestines in the clinic on Rublyovka. When, returning from the procedure, the faithful began to boast that a young nurse was trying to “glue” him, I was very surprised:
- But you were with an enema in the ass!
“But she put it there!” - proudly retorted the husband. Say, the elite medical staff did not peck at a pig in a poke, but at the very face of the goods.
Well, if erotic adventures are possible even next to a half-dead body and an enema in one place, then I definitely have a chance to find love in a white coat! And I'm going after her. Of course, I make an appointment only with male doctors.
Plastic surgeon: high reputation
“I want to enlarge my breasts,” I say in a well-known Moscow clinic. plastic surgery. In front of me is her leading specialist. Charming man, 40 years old, face and figure in perfect order.
“Show me,” the surgeon smiles.
I readily demonstrate the bust, which, frankly, I do not complain. I follow the reaction of the Aesculapius. Alas, not even a shadow of the basic instinct flickers on his face - only professional interest:
“I wouldn’t advise you,” the doctor remarks. - In my opinion, the optimal size. BUT surgical intervention- a lot of stress for the body.
- Well then, maybe I should enlarge my buttocks? I ask and, turning my back to the doctor, lower my jeans. I'm wearing revealing thongs.
I have an extremely provocative look: I put my ass up, I look over my shoulder. But the doctor adequately withstands this spectacle. I don't see any animal gleam in his eyes. He carelessly probes my gluteal muscles- there is no erotic subtext in his touches, and you can’t fool a woman in this matter.
In general, no matter how I spun in front of the aybolite from plastic surgery, the reaction is zero. I didn’t even perform a palpation of the chest, but I could! Maybe he just didn't like me? Or was he afraid of tarnishing the reputation of his clinic? When I finally buttoned my jeans and bra, my doctor looked me straight in the eyes for the first time:
- My advice - do not touch your figure. And if you definitely want to tune your appearance, it is better to correct the shape of your nose.
I don't want a nose! I was offended. - I like him! Farewell, doctor!
Gynecologist: nothing personal
My girlfriend told me about her gynecologist, who first puts her in a gynecological chair, and then slowly sterilizes the instruments, telling bawdy jokes.
- Maybe he is a voyeur, likes to look at female genitals? I guess.
“On duty, he only looks at the genitals, then you will become an anti-voyeur,” my girlfriend reasoned with me. - No, apparently, he is joking on purpose to defuse the situation. In the chair, all the women tense up, and this is not good for inspection. But I am a hundred times more nervous from his behavior ...
I ask a friend to make an appointment with this doctor. To be honest, I'm nervous. In my opinion, only a pervert can flirt in a gynecological chair. But I need to test the doctor for "steadiness."
I’m sitting in a vashkoryachka, listening to a greasy anecdote from an Aesculapius - my girlfriend didn’t lie. Finally, the doctor turns to me in gloves and with a mirror in his hand:
- Well, let's get started...
I look closely into the doctor's face, evaluate the facial expressions and expression of the eyes. But we have to admit: nothing personal, purely gynecology. Again a bummer!
Cardiologist: we are not afraid of Hippocrates
I decide to visit a heart doctor - maybe he will be more sensitive to female charms? The cardiologist in my district clinic turns out to be a very young man with glasses. I complain to him about the pain in the left side of the chest. The young doctor tells me to strip to the waist and lie down on the couch. Then he attaches wires with suction cups to me. And the eyes are on fire! At the moment, he wants his patient - and very clearly! I wonder if he will do something?
Five minutes later, the young man clears his throat in embarrassment:
- A slight arrhythmia, weak noises ... But in general there is no pathology. You can get up.
I rise from the couch and reach for my clothes.
“Wait,” the doctor stops me. - Do you smoke?
“I smoke,” I confess.
“Then listen! - a young man in a white coat takes my hand (just the one with which I reach for my bra) and begins a lengthy lecture on the dangers of smoking. In a voice breaking with excitement, he says something about carcinogens and resins for a long time, and he stares intently into my heart - according to his specialization. Then the door to the office opens, and a nurse appears on the threshold:
- Mark Semenovich, the head physician calls you urgently.
Poor Mark Semyonovich instantly turns crimson like a cancer and pushes my hand away:
- Get dressed! You will need to come again, I didn't like the background noises...
I leave satisfied. Though the cardiologist liked me. Of course, I won’t go to him again, but it’s still nice ... However, perhaps the whole point here is not the lack of professional ethics, but simply youth. The instincts of a young body Hippocrates is not a decree.
Chiropractor: the body as profit
If you believe the statistics of law enforcement agencies, chiropractors are more often involved in the "molestation" and even rape of patients. By the way, the coach has long pointed out to me possible problems in the lower back ... I find an office in a paid clinic, a consultation - 1000 rubles. Really for this money they will also rape?
I am met by an uncle of indeterminate age, with an appearance “without any special signs”. Complaining about the pain in my lower back, I strip myself to the waist and lie down on the couch. Aesculapius begins to conjure over my back - crumples, taps, rubs. I relax, close my eyes and enjoy. The chiropractor's voice brings me out of my sleep:
You're in trouble, honey. It looks like a displaced vertebra, although I'm not sure. You need to come to us for an x-ray, then again to see me, then ...
What follows is a list of the range of medical services that my back needs. Of course, they are all paid. I nod doomedly and understand: this aibolite does not care about the patient's body as a source of pleasure. It interests him only as a source of profit.
Dentist: sleight of hand and no fraud
You don’t particularly flirt with the dentist, as you have to sit with open mouth. Therefore, I put on the shortest skirt from my arsenal of outfits of mass destruction.
I'm going broke for a consultation in elite dentistry. I take a spectacular pose in a terrible dental chair and start asking about Hollywood veneers (I read it in a women's gloss):
“I want those little white stickers on my teeth like Angelina Jolie has. I'm kind of like her, right?
An imposing doctor with a noble gray hair looks at my feet, not at my teeth - I was not mistaken with a skirt. Previously, this gentleman must have been very good-looking, but now he is lost to ladies due to his age. However, it turned out that he himself did not think so.
“Open your mouth, baby,” the Aesculapius stuffs a saliva ejector into me, thus interrupting my flow of eloquence.
Forcibly depriving me of the right to vote for ten minutes, the doctor manages to: a) ream one tooth; b) make an appointment with me; c) report that he is married and will never divorce; d) insinuate that if I'm kind, I'll get the Hollywood veneers at half price.
It is clear that this womanizer has a proven technology of “glue” of patients. If I agree to a date with the doctor, I can make an appointment with him right now. And if I turn out to be “not like that”, then he will say to my indignation that anesthesia had a bad effect on my hearing and brains ...
Ear-throat-nose: blowing into the ears
But the champion of the erotic genre (who would have thought!) turns out to be an ENT doctor, who has been associated with snot, tonsils and tonsils since childhood. I find this healer in one of the outpatient clinics near Moscow, next to my dacha. He's pretty cute. On me - a revealing neckline, fragrant lip gloss and perfume. The throat, I say, hurts, it is difficult to swallow. And pawns his ears.
“Say ah-ah,” the doctor orders.
This, in fact, the review ends. The provincial ear-throat-nose does not look into my ears, but it starts to ride on them. Not at all embarrassed, he reports that oral sex helps with throat problems. And if at the same time it is clear to swallow something, then the skin of the face will become better and immunity will increase.
And in general, do you know how to protect yourself from swine flu? the doctor asks. “We need to make love more often!” Regular sex is good for the whole body and for the ENT organs too. If you trust me and obey me, your throat will pass, and your immunity will increase!
Here the ear ailment winks playfully at me, I swear!
It becomes funny to me. I giggle, the esculapius regards this as almost consent and slaps me goodbye on the pope. This is a clear violation of professional ethics. If he pulled my nose or my ear, it would be at least somehow in the specialty ...
xxx
Seriously, I did not see any special harassment in the behavior of all the above doctors. Moreover, I myself provoked them - and not weakly. True, it should be borne in mind that I have not yet put an enema and a dropper ... Summary: men in white coats behave differently - like all men in the world. Internal decency does not depend on a dressing gown, but on a person. And Hippocrates, as I was convinced, was able to interpret for a short time to fit his needs.
Larisa Rakitina about what novels with patients lead to
Our --expert
Anna Tanakova(Novosibirsk) - art-gestalt therapist, psychologist of the Center for Psychological and Pedagogical Support of Youth "April"
In 2006, British gynecologist Angus Thomson was accused by a patient of sexual harassment. Former model Bebe Giles claimed that the doctor, in a minute and a half of examination, “made” her experience an orgasm twice, gave her inappropriate compliments, persuaded her to have an affair, and kissed her once in the next six months.
The trial went on for three years. For the doctor, this was a difficult test, the father of three children almost lost his career and family. As a result, all charges against him were dropped. It turned out that Mrs. Giles herself bombarded the doctor with phone calls and obscene proposals for six months, and Dr. William Dawley, who had previously treated the patient, told the investigation that he also suffered from her harassment.
Bebe Giles had to pay legal costs of 50 thousand euros, not to mention the fact that she ruined her reputation - these are the sacrifices that love pushes people to make. However, if the doctor actually inflamed with passion for Bibi, he would risk even more, because the ethical commissions of medical associations and the justice of Western countries are extremely vigilant in observing the strict rules regarding intimate relationships between a doctor and a patient.
The Ethical and Legal Affairs Committee of the American Medical Association in 1992 developed the following rules:
- intimate contacts between a doctor and a patient that occur during the period of treatment are immoral;
- an intimate relationship with a former patient in certain situations may be recognized as unethical;
- the issue of intimacy between a doctor and a patient should be included in the curriculum of all medical professionals;
- Physicians must by all means report violations of medical ethics by their colleagues.
Ethics vs Nature
The love affair between the patient and the doctor was not welcomed at all times, and there is an explanation for this. The doctor-patient relationship is inherently unequal. The doctor is more competent, authoritative, and the patient depends on him in one way or another. Robert Wich, one of the world's leading experts in the field of medical ethics, who headed the Institute of Ethics. Kennedy of Georgetown University, noted that the most ancient model of interaction "doctor-patient" is paternalistic, that is, "parent-child", and it still dominates in medicine. In this context romantic relationship inevitably acquire a shade of incest; apparently, therefore they are perceived by many as a violation of professional ethics.
The Hippocratic Oath, which is already 2.5 thousand years old, says: “Whatever house I enter, I will enter there for the benefit of the sick, being far from any intentional, unrighteous and harmful, especially from love affairs with women and men, free and slaves.
Despite the negative attitude of society towards such excesses, and in the United States and Western Europe, there is also a high risk of disciplinary, reputational and legal consequences, patients and doctors continue to fall in love. And although ethics commissions equally condemn all intimate relationships, it should be recognized that their spectrum is very wide: from an unsightly affair to true love and a long happy marriage. Love stories are multivariate and varied, but nevertheless, there are certain patterns in their development. How to maintain a balance on the verge of professional ethics and personal happiness, and what mistakes you should beware of - let's look at examples from life.
Story No. 1. Obsessive patient
One of my colleagues, a young surgeon, let's call him Sergei, operated carefully, bandaged without pain, was attentive, witty, and complimented women. No wonder one of the patients fell in love with him. While she was in the hospital, she guarded the doctor every day at the door of the department, and after being discharged, none of his shifts passed without her visit. Sergei was inundated with romantic gifts, which he refused as best he could. The shift on duty regularly drank tea with cakes, pies and sweets, which the admirer brought.
But, although the doctor was not married, his attitude towards the patient did not go beyond the scope of professional interests, and increased attention eventually became a burden. Once, trying to avoid another meeting, he tried to leave the staff room through the window on the fire escape, fell and broke his arm. The whole hospital laughed, but the tormentor finally left him alone.
View of a psychologist:
Falling in love with one's savior is inherent in emotionally unstable neurotic personalities - those who have serious unresolved internal conflicts. Such people, as a rule, feel lonely, experience an exaggerated need for love and approval from others. The “almighty”, attentive and caring doctor for such a patient (more often a patient) becomes a kind of substitute for the parental figure for which he yearns so much.
The heroine of this story, due to her psychological immaturity, could not really assess what was happening: she did not notice that the doctor demonstrates sympathetic behavior towards other patients, and also tactfully lets her know that she does not want to go beyond the “doctor-patient” relationship. .
Doctor's view:
Most often, young women fall in love with the attending physician, and doctors of surgical specialties are in the lead among the objects of affection. I know many stories about how patients did not give passage to the surgeon, but I have not heard that the patient was imbued with a deep feeling for the helminthologist.
A specialty, heroic in the eyes of the patient, gives its owner a special charm. And the doctor is also a person, the loving glances and signs of attention of the patients warm his soul and increase self-esteem, because it's nice to feel not only a medical luminary, but also an irresistible heartthrob, so to speak, Pirogov and Don Juan in one person.
However, in most cases, patients take what they wish for reality: the doctor already has a wife and children, and the patient in love will remain “patient -N” for the doctor.
If we talk about a specific situation, the doctor acted, in my opinion, unethically. It would be more far-sighted from the first day to correctly and politely explain to the patient, and not accept gifts from her.
Story No. 2. Textbook example
The protagonist of the novel "Tender is the Night" by American writer Francis Scott Fitzgerald, young talented psychiatrist Richard Diver takes part in the treatment of schizophrenia by the daughter of a millionaire named Nicole. At some point, he ceases to perceive her as a patient. Against the advice of friends and reason, he marries Nicole. Dr. Diver is 26 years old, trained by Freud and shows great promise as a doctor. The psychiatrist is well aware that schizophrenia is incurable, and relapses of the disease are possible in the future. At first, the couple are happy, but the doctor's dreams of serving science do not withstand a collision with Nicole's attitude and lifestyle, and schizophrenia sets in again. It is no longer possible to make out where the necessary distance for the doctor is between him and the patient, and where is the growing alienation, which displaces love.
In the end, the heroine is completely healed and she no longer needs the Diver. After the divorce, she marries her lover, and the psychiatrist falls in every sense: a brilliant career did not take place, life has lost its meaning.
View of a psychologist:
The idealization of a doctor, neurotic dependence on a psychotherapist of the opposite sex in psychoanalysis are described in great detail and are called "eroticized transference". There are times when a therapist may develop a countertransference towards a client. This may look like a reciprocal feeling of love, a desire to become a reliable stronghold and patron for a sensitive and defenseless person before life's adversities. As a rule, this does not lead to anything good - neither in psychotherapeutic, nor in personal terms. In this example, the psychiatrist crossed the line of professional duty, for which he paid in the end.
According to statistics compiled by the Committee on Ethical and Legal Affairs of the American Medical Association in 1992, 85-90% of cases of intimate relationships in a doctor-patient pair occur between a young patient and a male doctor, and most often such contacts occur in psychiatry.
Doctor's view:
Psychiatry is a special field of medicine, but even good intentions do not make Dr. Diver's act ethical.
Of course, the schizophrenia depicted by Fitzgerald looks more like a neurosis, the daughters of millionaires are rare among patients, and they marry doctors even less often. Of course, this story is fiction, and although it contains autobiographical elements, Fitzgerald was not a doctor, and his wife Zelda, the prototype of Nicole, was his patient. But each fairy tale, as you know, contains a hint, and also gives reason to think about how an unsuccessful step can destroy not only a career, but also a life.
Story number 3. Let's stay friends
My friend Natasha worked as an endocrinologist in a polyclinic. Her patient Igor had diffuse toxic goiter, the process of examination and selection of therapy turned out to be difficult and sometimes even dramatic. Natasha worried about the patient, spent a lot of time and mental strength to persuade him to surgery(and Igor was categorically against it at first), even visited after the operation in the hospital. Igor was imbued with sympathy for the caring doctor, and on the closing day sick leave invited her on a date. Then they had joint trips, flowers, gifts, jealousy, quarrels, reconciliations and other attributes of a real novel. Before the wedding, however, it never came. Now everyone already has their own family, but they warmly remember that period of their lives, do not regret it and maintain good relations.
View of a psychologist:
The doctor in this story, without realizing it, played the role of a mother, able to protect and take care of her child, and the patient played the role of a child. When such relationships develop between a doctor and a patient, they become more trusting and emotionally warm, and here it is not far from a romantic context. However, the ending of these relationships is also predictable - at some point, a man wants to feel strong and courageous, and a woman wants to be just a woman, and not the "mother" of her own lover.
Doctor's view:
From an ethical point of view, the act of a doctor seems neutral to me. This is one of many life stories that ended in mutual affection. If sympathy arises between a doctor and a patient, communication from the medical sphere passes into the human sphere, relationships develop in the same way as for all other people, and marriage can be happy and not very happy. And the fact that in the beginning a man and a woman were a doctor and a patient, sometimes not only does not interfere with the birth of a novel, but, on the contrary, brings a certain zest to it.
Story No. 4. Hero Lover
Second-year resident Igor regularly nursed young patients he saved from appendicitis. With a bright girl, Lyuba, and a “quiet mouse” Tanya, an affair began at the same time. One day, Lyuba came to Igor without a call and found Tanya there, who had not yet gone home in the morning. They drank coffee in the kitchen, figured out the situation and left Igor in unison. He worried, and then operated on Katya and quickly married her. Then he left for the Murmansk region, where he was offered a good place, and has been living there happily for 15 years with Katya and their two children.
View of a psychologist:
The role of "savior" can be very attractive to some men, and the profession of a doctor is great for this role. Exploiting this role, it is quite easy to start a relationship - "a strong, intelligent, attentive man" simply cannot but conquer a "weak woman in need of help." If a loving doctor uses his position to start new relationships, then a series of novels with patients is an expected result. Such men, most likely, deep down are afraid to enter into a relationship with an equal partner, not burdened with a sense of gratitude and psychological dependence on the doctor. Next to a grateful woman, he feels confident and significant.
Doctor's view:
I guess Igor has always been focused on a family with a patriarchal way of life and was looking for a girl with the same orientation. But in our time in a big city it is quite difficult to find a girl who is completely free from feminist attitudes, so it took a long time to choose. And among the patients, he looked for one simple reason - the circle of communication with a doctor who spends a lot of time at work is not so wide, and the choice is limited to those who are nearby.
Story No. 5. Happily Ever After
A nice, middle-aged widower-psychotherapist was treating depression for a no longer young woman who had also experienced a personal tragedy. To see the similarity of their destinies, it was not necessary to delve into the depths of psychoanalysis, so that deep and sincere sympathy was quite natural and human. Helping the patient to see new life horizons, the doctor suddenly realized that he himself was gaining a second wind. The mutual feeling that arose was quite organic, ten years ago the doctor and the patient got married. Now they are about sixty, and they are happy together to this day.