There are some phrases you should simply never say at work.
These phrases have a special power: they have an inexplicable ability to make you look bad, even if what you say is the ultimate truth.
And, worst of all, the word is not a sparrow, there will be no turning back after they are uttered.
Often it's just subtle remarks that make us look incompetent and insecure, and do the most damage.
Regardless of how talented you are and what your main achievements are, there are certain phrases that forever change other people's opinion of you, and at the same time forever create a negative aura around you. These phrases are so charged with negativity that they can ruin your career in no time.
How many of these phrases have you already heard in your office?
1. "It's not fair"
Everyone knows that life is not fair. By saying something is dishonest, you are showing that you believe life should be fair, which in turn shows you to be immature and naive.
If you don't want to make yourself look bad, you should always stick to the facts, remain constructive, and keep your own interpretation of events out of the way. For example, you might say, “I noticed that you assigned Ann to a big project that I was really looking forward to. Could you tell me what influenced your decision? I would like to know why you decided that I was not the best choice for this position, so that I can improve my skills in any way.”
2. “We’ve always done it this way.”
Technological changes happen so quickly that even a process that was fine-tuned six months ago may no longer be relevant today. Saying that something has "always been done this way" not only makes you sound like you're lazy and anti-change, but it may make your boss question why you're not trying to improve your processes yourself. If you really have always done things the same way, then there is always a way to do them even better.
3. “No problem”
When someone asks you for a favor or thanks you for something and you tell them “no problem,” you are implying that their request might have been a problem. This phrase makes people think that they have somehow burdened you.
You, in turn, need to demonstrate to people that you are happy to do your job. Say something along the lines of “Glad to help” or “I’d be glad to help with that.” It's just a fine line in language, but it has a huge impact on people.
4. “It seems to me.../This might be a bad idea.../I’ll ask a stupid question...”.
These overly passive phrases constantly reduce your credibility in the eyes of other people. Even if these phrases accompany some great idea, others will think that you lack confidence, which means people will not be able to have confidence in you.
Don't be your own worst critic. If you yourself are not confident in your words, then no one else will be confident in them either. And, even if you really don’t know something, say: “I don’t have the information I need right now, but I’ll definitely clarify this question and let you know.”
5. “This will only take a minute.”
By saying this, you are downplaying your own skills and making it seem like you are rushing through work tasks. Unless the task actually takes you 60 seconds to complete, feel free to say that the task won't take long, but state it in a way that prevents people from thinking that the task can be completed before you need time in reality.
6. "I'll try"
Just like the word “think,” “try” makes you sound cautious, as if you lack confidence in your own ability to handle the task. Take full responsibility for your capabilities. If you are asked to do something, agree to do it or offer an alternative, but never say that you will try, as this will make it sound like you won't try hard.
7. “He’s lazy/incompetent/foolish.”
You definitely won’t get any benefit from a disparaging remark towards a colleague. If your remark is accurate, then everyone will already know about it, so there is no point in pointing out obvious things once again. If your remark turns out to be not very accurate, then you risk being made a fool yourself.
There will always be rude and incompetent people in any workplace, and chances are that other colleagues will have the same opinion about them. If you don't have the ability to help them improve or fire them, then you won't achieve anything by talking out loud about their shortcomings. Voicing your colleague's incompetence from the outside looks like an attempt to appear better than yourself. Your rudeness will inevitably lead to other colleagues thinking negatively about you.
8. “This is not on my list of responsibilities.”
This often sarcastic phrase makes you sound like you're only going to do the bare minimum to get paid. wages, which will negatively affect the safety of your workplace.
If your boss asks you to do something that is not part of your job description (assuming the request is morally and ethically acceptable), then the best thing to do is to do the task with enthusiasm. Then set up a meeting with your boss to discuss your role in the company and ask if your personal list of responsibilities might be worth updating. This way, you'll be more likely to avoid making your role look too small. Additionally, this scenario will allow you and your boss to establish a long-term understanding of what you should and shouldn't do in your current role.
9. “It’s not my fault.”
Blaming someone is almost always a bad idea. Be responsible. If you hold any position - even the smallest one - if something goes wrong, take responsibility for it. If not, then offer a solution to the problem, explain what exactly happened wrong. Stick to the facts and let your bosses and colleagues decide for themselves who to blame for the situation.
The moment you start blaming someone else, people around you begin to see you as a person who lacks the ability to take responsibility for their own actions. This makes people even more nervous. Some people will try not to work with you when given the opportunity, while others will strike first and blame you if something goes wrong.
10. "I can't"
“I can’t” is a cousin of “it’s not my fault.” People don't like to hear that you can't do something because they think you just don't want to do it. By saying “I can’t,” you are saying that you won’t try your best to get the job done.
If you really can't do something because you lack the necessary skills, then you need to come up with an alternative solution to the problem. Instead of saying what you can't do, say what you can do.
For example, instead of saying, “I can't stay later today,” say that you can come early tomorrow. Instead of “I can’t do these calculations,” say, “I don’t know how to do this kind of analysis yet. Do we have anyone who could tell me how to do this correctly?
11. “I hate this job.”
The last thing no one wants to hear at work is someone complaining about how much they hate their job. By voicing such a thought, you demonstrate that you are negative person, which in turn reduces group morale. Bosses quickly spot such destroyers of group morale and know that they can always be replaced by more enthusiastic people who are currently looking for work.
Summing up
All you have to do is remove these phrases from your vocabulary as you will immediately feel the benefits of this solution. The main problem with these phrases is that they tend to roll off your tongue completely unnoticed, so you should catch yourself in time with such thoughts until you finally develop the habit of completely refusing to say them.
Dr. Travis Bradberry is the acclaimed co-author of the bestselling book Emotional Intelligence 2.0 and co-founder of TalentSmaer, the world's leading provider of emotional intelligence tests and training, serving more than 75 percent of Fortune 500 companies. His best-selling book has been translated into 25 languages and is available in more than 150 countries. Dr. Bradberry has published for Newsweek, TIME, BusinessWeek, Fortune, Forbes, Fast Company, Inc., USA Today, The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, and The Harvard Business Review.
Travis Bradberry, LinkedIn
- Career and Self-development
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Quotes from great people that constantly pop up in the feed of any social network could illuminate the whole of Kyiv on a long winter night - so much light comes from them. For some reason, postcards with thoughtful phrases from anyone - from Socrates to Will Smith - beautifully printed on them have not gone out of fashion for several years in a row. But many of these aphorisms do not actually belong to philosophers, writers or politicians at all.
Everything is much simpler: either someone who wants to launch his idea to the masses attributes it to his idol, or simply over time the author’s quotes are confused, cut off and taken out of context. We did not take into account frankly absurd or humorous phrases like “Parting is always sad” (but there are also those who really believe that Socrates could have said this), but settled on popular quotes that can really be taken at face value.
"End justifies the means"
This quote is usually attributed to the Italian thinker and statesman Niccolò Machiavelli, who supposedly expounded this idea in The Prince (1532), but in fact the phrase is taken out of context with much more detailed description and simplified to three words.
“The actions of all people, and especially princes, whom it is unwise to challenge, are judged by their results. Therefore, give the sovereign the opportunity to win and maintain power in the state, and the means will always be considered worthy, and everyone will approve of them, because the common people are always seduced by how things seem and what comes out of it,” - approximately this is how the translation reads from 18 -th chapter of “The Sovereign,” which served as the basis for the aphorism.
Firstly, from the quote it is clear that Machiavelli emphasized the people's perception of state power, and did not argue that the end really justifies the means, and secondly, he could generally be ironic in this passage. Jean-Jacques Rousseau adhered to precisely this point of view: he considered The Prince a satirical treatise.
Later, a century later, a similar idea about means acceptable for the sake of an end was expressed by the German theologian and Jesuit Hermann Busenbaum and the English philosopher Thomas Hobbes, but their formulations were far from today’s simplified version.
“Whoever was not a radical in his youth has no heart; whoever has not become a conservative in adulthood has no mind.”
There are two versions of the quote: in the second, a liberal is indicated instead of a radical. Churchill did not say any of these options. Firstly, he himself was a conservative at the age of 15, and a liberal at 35. Secondly, his wife had liberal views all her life. A phrase close to the quote belongs to the conservative Benjamin Disraeli, an English politician and statesman who lived before Churchill, and it goes like this: “If you are not a liberal at 25, you have no heart. If you're not a conservative at 35, you don't have a brain."
“No one will make the first move, because everyone thinks that it is not mutual”
This “aphorism” is one of the leaders in appearances as reposts from public pages of smart thoughts on the walls of romantically minded youth on VKontakte. Without hesitation, it is attributed to Dostoevsky. For some reason, Fyodor Mikhailovich, like Anton Pavlovich Chekhov, is very popular on the Internet. All such quotes about love, difficult relationships and suffering are attributed to their authorship (which is just “Falling in love does not mean loving. You can fall in love even while hating”). In fact, Dostoevsky never wrote anything like this either in his works or in his “Diary of a Writer”, where his reasoning concerned mainly socio-political and military topics.
“If there is no God, everything is permitted”
In addition, Dostoevsky is credited with another, more significant phrase - “If there is no God, everything is permitted.” However, he never wrote this down verbatim. This sentence was born from several phrases of the Karamazov brothers from the writer’s novel of the same name: “If there is no immortality of the soul, there is no virtue, which means everything is permitted” and “But how, I ask, is a person after that? Without God and without a future life? After all, it means that now everything is allowed, everything can be done?” Later, Jean-Paul Sartre referred to a simplified version of the phrase in his lecture “Existentialism is Humanism” (1946), calling this thought the starting point of existentialism.
“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good people to do nothing.”
The phrase is attributed to the 18th century English politician and publicist Edmund Burke, but he never wrote it like that. There is only a vaguely reminiscent statement in his essay Thoughts on the Cause of Present Discontents: “When bad people unite, good people must also unite, otherwise they will fall one by one. The victim will not be spared in the despicable struggle.”
"Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar"
The authorship is popularly reserved for the famous psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud, who saw a hidden meaning in everything. Nevertheless, there is not even a semblance of such a thought in any of his works. We find something similar in Rudyard Kipling’s poem The Betrothed (1885): “And a woman is only a woman, but a good Cigar is a Smoke” (“And a woman is only a woman, but good cigar- it's smoke." - Translation, approx. auto.).
“There are only two infinite things in life - death and taxes”
This common phrase has been attributed to either Mark Twain or Benjamin Franklin. Neither of them are its real authors and have never said anything like that. A quote close to this statement is contained in the work Dancing Devils (1724) by the English satirist Edward Ward: “Death and taxes - they are sure to happen.”
"A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step"
This saying does not belong to Confucius. Sometimes this catchphrase is simply called a Chinese proverb, but this is also incorrect. The author of the quote is the ancient Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu. In the translation of the treatise “Tao Te Ching” the phrase sounds like this: “A journey of a thousand li (400 miles. - Note auto.) begins under your feet.”
"Insanity is the exact repetition of the same action over and over again, in the hope of change"
The popular phrase is most often attributed to Einstein, and less commonly to Benjamin Franklin and Mark Twain. None of them even suspected its existence. The real author is the English writer Rita May Brown. In her work " Sudden death"(1983) there is a phrase that matches exactly to the letter: “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.”
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Meanwhile, smart people have long figured out how to replace some taboo statements.
1 You were too good for him!
At first glance, this is one of those phrases that is usually used to console a friend who has experienced a breakup with her partner. However, in fact, this is partly an insult to her taste and evidence of her inability to understand people: “Well, you chose a guy for yourself, and how much time you spent on him!”
What's better to say:
He has lost a lot.
2 You look great for your age!
Why you shouldn't say this:
A completely neutral, at first glance, phrase turns in a condescending consolation: “Compared to other old people, you look even more or less.”
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What's better to say:
Wow, you look absolutely amazing!
3 I try, but I can't!
Why you shouldn't say this:
A phrase that is forgivable for a 10-year-old girl. It's not very respectable for a grown girl to beg for emotional approval for not achieving a goal. It is better to either recognize the goal as unattainable, or completely change tactics.
****
What's better to say:
I try as hard as possible.
4 I achieved everything myself!
Why you shouldn't say this:
From birth we are surrounded by people who in one way or another influence our formation and development. We, in turn, draw conclusions and learn something from what is happening. But it is rude to devalue the help of these people.
What's better to say:
Thanks to my parents and the support of loved ones, I was able to achieve this.
5 It's unfair!
Why you shouldn't say this:
Life isn't fair. You need to come to terms with this. By complaining about the slightest manifestation of injustice, you become inexperienced and naive in the eyes of others. Eradicate this phrase and replace it with something more constructive.
What's better to say:
For example, if your boss makes an unfair decision, in your opinion, you can correctly ask him: “What led to such a decision? May I know why you didn’t entrust this to me?”
6 Maybe I’ll say something stupid now, but...
Why you shouldn't say this:
Remember: this phrase prepares others in advance that your opinion will not be entirely competent. Such words are the worst choice for an introduction.
What's better to say:
I’m not entirely sure on this issue, it will be interesting to know your opinion.
7 I told you so!
Why you shouldn't say this:
A phrase that is always used just to point out people's mistakes, which none of us like. In such a situation, it is better to cheer the person up.
What's better to say:
Next time you won't make such a mistake.
8 Oh, I had this happen too!
Why you shouldn't say this:
This phrase can only be said to a friend who has just taken a pair of shoes to the store that didn’t suit her at all. However, you should not say this if she is sharing a personal problem with you. After all, she wants to talk it out, and not listen about how it was with you.
What's better to say:
Many people face this, but you will definitely overcome it.
9 Why are you inventing a problem out of the blue!
Why you shouldn't say this:
You can’t say that, if only for the reason that you are not the measure of other people’s problems.
What's better to say:
Very soon this problem will not be as important to you as it is now. Everything will work out.
10 You don't love me!
Why you shouldn't say this:
A catchphrase that can play a bad joke on you. Hearing your tearful “You don’t love me!” once, a man, of course, will rush to passionately assure you of the opposite, the second time he will coolly ignore you, and the third time he will think carefully: perhaps you are right...
What's better to say:
I miss you.
Any words we speak have a special energy. Some phrases are destructive. You should never say them to yourself, so as not to lose happiness and good luck.
People have always been prone to self-criticism. Very often we scold ourselves for mistakes, speak negatively about our appearance or criticize our mental abilities. Such statements not only affect self-esteem, but also destroy our energy background. Thus we lose luck and feel unhappy. The site team presents to your attention the 5 most destructive phrases that are forbidden to be uttered in your address.
Destructive phrases that you should not say about yourself
Sometimes words spoken by another person can offend us. However, some phrases we say to ourselves can cause much more harm, destroying our happiness and luck. To prevent this from happening, you need to know that you cannot talk about yourself. If you avoid these expressions, you can change your life for the better.
I will never be happy. Every person has moments of self-disappointment in life, but this is not a reason to predict failures for the future. If you are currently experiencing a bad streak, you need to try to change this situation. Whatever happens in your life, always be sure that tomorrow everything will change for the better. This statement will only deprive you of self-confidence, faith in the future and the desire to try, and without them we will never achieve happiness.
I'm not handsome. When we look at ourselves in the mirror, we certainly see minor flaws, but we should remember that every person has them. Sometimes, in a conversation with strangers, we begin to list them, without even thinking that our interlocutor is also not ideal. To avoid failures, praise yourself in the mirror as often as possible. See your flaws as what sets you apart from others. Over time, you will be able to love them and will no longer be so critical of your own appearance.
I'm stupid. Of course, our mental abilities may be far from ideal, but this does not mean stupidity. People have different thoughts and opinions from each other, and if your statements differ from those of your interlocutor, and he looks at you with ridicule, there is no need to be upset. If all people thought the same way, life would be boring. If you failed to realize your ideas or your actions displease others, you should not pay attention. On the contrary, praise yourself as often as possible and always express your thoughts openly.
I won't succeed. When an important event awaits us at which we need to prove ourselves, we begin to doubt our abilities. In life, a person very often says that he will not be able to perform a certain action, but at the same time he copes with the task perfectly. However, not everyone can be lucky. Our words can affect our self-esteem and confidence, and if we think we can't do something, then we really won't be able to do it. It is important to always believe in yourself, and then happiness and success will await you.
I'm a loser. There are disappointments in every person's life, and at such moments we feel unhappy. A negative period in life will pass, but your phrase can really make you a loser. Whatever happens, don't say these words. Prove to yourself that you can do it. Believe that success awaits you in the future, and everyone can make a mistake. If you can love yourself, you will become
truly happy.
Any phrases have energy, especially if we are talking about ourselves. By scolding yourself in front of the mirror, you harm your energy background. It is for this reason that luck and love can leave your life. We wish you to be healthy and happy, and don't forget to press the buttons and
15.11.2017 07:00
Bad mood is a scourge modern world. For every second person, stress and low self-esteem become...
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" Wise people speak because they have something to say. Fools because they have to say something ." Plato
The words we speak can be interpreted in different ways: positive, negative or neutral.
Intelligent, emotionally mature people usually speak in a cautious manner, choosing words to minimize a negative or obscure response.
Of course, we've all said something we later regretted. Perhaps our words hurt others, intentionally or accidentally, and we wanted to take them back.
Emotional intelligence is defined by the ability to recognize, manage and express emotions and regulate relationships. It relates to the ability to relate to other people's emotions and experiences.
This type of intelligence plays a decisive role in what to say and what to remain silent about.
Here 10 phrases that emotionally intelligent people try to avoid.
Phrases that should not be said
1. "It's not fair."
Yes, life is unfair, and this is what adults understand. Perhaps what happened was unfair, perhaps even grossly unfair. However, we must remember that the people around us often do not know about what happened, and even if they are privy to the details, this phrase does not solve the problem.
No matter how difficult it may be, focus your attention and efforts on solving the problem.
You will feel better, maintain your dignity and possibly solve the problem.
2. "You look tired."
The point is this: you have absolutely no idea what is going on in a person's life.
When you say, “You look tired,” no matter how good your intentions are, this makes it clear to a person that his problems are visible to everyone.
Instead, rephrase your sentence or question in a more empathetic way. For example, “Are you okay?” to show the person that you care about what is happening to them.
3. "For your age..."
For example, “You look great for your age” or “For a woman, you have achieved a lot.”
Chances are that the person you're talking to is well aware of age and gender bias and may be offended by it.
No need to make reservations, just give a compliment.
4. “As I said earlier...”
Who among us hasn't forgotten something from time to time? This phrase implies that you are offended by having to repeat yourself and that you are somehow better than the other person.
To be fair, repeating the same thing over and over again can be annoying to someone. Refrain from expressing your irritation and try to clarify what you wanted to say.
Just remind the person from time to time.
The meaning of phrases
5. “You never” or “You always”
As a rule, these words are pronounced sarcastic or overly dramatic. Very often they are used to offend someone either out of anger or contempt.
Justify what exactly the person did and provide details. For example, “I noticed what you keep doing… is there anything I can do to help/is there anything I need to know?”
6. "Good luck"
Many might argue that this phrase should not be uttered, and quite rightly so.
But there is a logical explanation for this: luck takes the result out of a person's hands and subjects it to external influences or chance.
Has anyone ever used their powers to win the lottery? No, it's luck.
The phrase " I know that you have all the necessary qualities" can build a person's confidence better than the concept of luck.
7. "It doesn't matter to me."
When someone asks for your opinion, they do so expecting a constructive response, any response. When you say that "It doesn't matter to me," it implies that either the situation is not of great importance to you or the time it takes to respond is not a priority.
Instead, get to know the person's situation better. If you don't have enough time, suggest another time when you can listen to him.
8. "With all due respect..."
Stop and think about whether the words you say now are actually influenced by the degree of respect for him?
If you can honestly answer yes, go ahead. Just remember that the way you speak, your gestures and facial expressions, as well as your intonation will immediately make it obvious whether it is said with respect or not.
On the other hand, if this phrase is uttered on autopilot in order to wedge itself into a conversation that has nothing to do with respect, it is best to hold back.
9. "I told you so"
This phrase is full of arrogance and a sense of superiority. When you read this phrase, you probably imagine children playing on the playground, which makes it sound childish and immature.
You have warned a person about the consequences of certain actions, and perhaps he has learned his lesson.
Find another way to communicate with someone who made a bad decision without expressing contempt. Perhaps the person needs help that we cannot give.
10. "I give up."
Although this phrase seems quite innocent, it is a statement that we are unable to overcome something that is right in front of our noses. Perhaps it's a terrible boss, a difficult project, or an arrogant employee.
But remember that you are much stronger, smarter, more capable than you think. There is nothing you can't overcome. " I can" are the only words you need.