Have there been situations in your life when you couldn’t cope with your emotions? Or couldn’t even understand what feelings you were experiencing, why you reacted this way? Maybe you don’t always understand the feelings of others and find it difficult to build harmonious relationships?

Meanwhile, the ability to understand and manage your emotions is a key support point on the path to success, career, popularity and even a happy family life.

Scientists have proven that anyone can learn to manage their emotions. It's a matter of practice. And it's not difficult at all. The most important thing is like in sports - training!

A person's success does not always depend on his IQ. Every day we see situations where smart and bright people cannot build a career. While those with clearly lower intelligence thrive without much effort. The answer to the question of why this happens is often related to EQ - emotional intelligence.

Having a diploma and certificates does not guarantee a successful career and a happy life. The ability to manage yourself is much more important than regalia and achievements.

This relatively new concept was substantiated in 1995 by Harvard University Ph.D., science journalist Daniel Goleman. His book “Emotional Intelligence”, one might say, shocked his contemporaries. Goleman told many examples and proved that it is thanks to the ability to understand and control their emotions, as well as the emotions of others, that people achieve what they want in life.

Unfortunately, very rarely children are taught how to manage anger or resolve conflict constructively. And growing up, a person does not automatically receive a high EQ. But we can correct this situation. Unlike IQ, emotional intelligence indicators can (and should!) be trained and developed.

There are four basic EQ skills that fall under the concept intrapersonal And interpersonal competencies.

Intrapersonal competence is the ability to understand your emotions and manage your behavior. This includes emotional self-perception: The way we are aware of our emotions and reactions at any given moment. This is a fundamental skill: if its level is high, then it is much easier to use all other EQ skills.

Next it logically follows self management. This skill occurs when a person acts or refrains from acting. This is the ability to use knowledge of your emotions to effectively manage your behavior and emotional reactions towards people and events.

Simply put, self-perception says, “I feel angry!” Self-control helps control this anger. Or vice versa, if the level of this competence is low, the person will think something like this: “I feel angry, but I can’t do anything about it!”

Warren Buffett believes that his success does not depend on a high level of IQ, but on the ability to manage his emotions during a transaction. Just give in to an emotional impulse for a moment and you can lose millions of dollars. .

Interpersonal competence is the ability to understand and capture the moods, behavior and motives of other people in order to improve the quality of relationships. Here we can talk about empathy- the ability to accurately capture the emotions of others and understand what is actually happening to them now.

And the final chord - relationship management: This skill includes the previous three. A person who scores high in this competency knows how to perceive emotions (both their own and those of other people) in order to build effective interaction.

To convey your message to a person and be understood correctly, you need to develop all four skills. Relationship management improves the quality of interactions with people in all areas of life.

EQ Boosting Strategy

1. You need to start with emotional self-perception. This is the foundation for improving all other indicators.
2. The human mind is capable of concentrating on only one EQ skill at a time. Therefore, having improved the first skill, move on to the second in order of priority, working from intrapersonal to interpersonal competencies.
3. Choose a strategy to improve one skill and continue working on it for 21 days (that’s how long it takes your brain to adapt to a new habit).
4. After 21 days, move on to the next skill.

At first, the training will be unusual and, perhaps, difficult for some... After all, we have never “pumped up” emotions. But the further you go, the more results you will see. The main thing: continue no matter what!

How to improve intrapersonal competencies

There are several techniques that will help you reach a new level of emotional intelligence.

Freewriting, or “morning pages”

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The emotional development of preschool children is one of the most important areas of a teacher’s professional activity. Emotions are the “central link” of a person’s mental life, and especially of a child (L. Vygotsky).

Emotions

• perform regulatory and security functions (for example, they prevent the implementation of any activity out of fear or disgust);
• contribute to the disclosure of potential creative abilities;
• encourage certain actions, color behavior as a whole;
• help to adapt to the situation;
• accompany communication (choice of partner, attachment, etc.) and all types of activities;
• are an indicator of the child’s general condition, his physical and mental well-being.

In recent years, there has been an increasing number of children with disorders of psycho-emotional development, which include emotional instability, hostility, aggressiveness, and anxiety, which leads to difficulties in relationships with others. Moreover, against the background of such violations, so-called secondary deviations arise, which manifest themselves, for example, in persistent negative behavior, etc. Appropriately organized work (classes, joint activities, independent activities) on the emotional development of children can not only enrich the child’s emotional experience, but also mitigate and even completely eliminate the problems noted above.

Opportunities for joint activities for the development of the emotional sphere of children are not limited by strict time frames, they are more relaxed in communication, free to choose whether to participate or not to participate in a given event, game, etc. Joint activities, as a rule, take place in a relaxed atmosphere, free from strict regulations. A focus on play and entertaining forms of communication create a favorable background for contacts, management of emotional expression, and productive creative self-realization.

It is important to build pedagogical work taking into account the following provisions:

1. Systematic organization of the child’s psyche, from which it follows that the development of the emotional sphere is possible by influencing other mental processes (sensations, thinking, imagination, etc.) and their regulation. Thus, in early and early preschool age there is a close connection between the emotional and sensory spheres. The development of visual, auditory, olfactory, tactile, gustatory, and vestibular analyzers contributes to the baby’s emotional manifestations. This is convincingly shown in the works of L.S. Vygotsky, A.V. Zaporozhets, etc. In older preschool age, emotions are associated with imagination, which helps children build their own unique picture of the world and significantly expand the means of external expression of emotions.

1. Reliance on age-related capabilities and sensitive periods of preschool childhood. The practical implementation of this principle is facilitated by taking into account the interests of children determined by their age (fairy tales, games, entertaining tasks, expressive self-expression).
2. The phasing of pedagogical work. Recognizing the important role of each type of activity, I would still especially like to emphasize the importance of the game. It is known that it naturally fits into the lives of children and, as a leading activity (D.B. Elkonin), is capable of making positive changes in the sensory, emotional, volitional and other spheres of the personality, and forming new forms of behavior. The game creates a favorable environment for emotional expression and creative self-realization. In the process of role transformations and performing game tasks, the child involuntarily enriches himself with ways of expressing emotions and adequately designing expressive actions.

An important place belongs to sensory games, which, in addition to fulfilling their main task, activate the mechanisms of emotional response and indirectly activate the emotional sphere as a whole. These games do not require much preliminary preparation and are very attractive for children of early and early preschool age.

It is also necessary to note games for the development of emotional expression, or emotionally expressive games. They are aimed at developing facial, pantomimic, speech motor skills, gestural expressiveness - in other words, the “language” of emotions; create a favorable background for the manifestation of individuality, the development of emotional sensitivity, etc. They are used in joint activities, starting from the middle group; By the age of four, children have developed a certain emotional and sensory experience, and they are able to act from a certain person, orient themselves to the attitudes of an adult, etc.

When working with children, it is advisable to use the works of children's writers and poets, folklore. They are a special form of understanding the surrounding reality, forming an emotional attitude towards the world. Fairy tales, short stories, nursery rhymes, etc. enrich the vocabulary of emotional vocabulary, develop an imaginative worldview, responsiveness, and serve as an excellent occasion for a meaningful dialogue between the teacher and children.

We will reveal the tasks and options for practical activities for each age group.

Second junior group

The main tasks at this age stage are:

• encouraging children to react emotionally through the targeted supply of sensory information through the channels of the visual, auditory, vestibular, olfactory, tactile and taste analyzers;
• maintaining the expressive manifestations of children (facial expressions, gestures, speech) in the process of interaction with sensory stimuli that differ in modality, intensity, and duration.

"Travelers"

The teacher suggests walking barefoot on different surfaces (soft, smooth, ribbed, etc.),

Water games

• Let the boats go.
• Bathe toys.

Fill plastic containers and rubber toys (pears) with water and pour it out.

• Place plastic balls and toys to the bottom.
• “It’s raining” (pouring water from a watering can into basins).
• “Who can hold the water longer” (they collect water in their palms, trying to hold it for as long as possible).
• “The sea is agitated” (hands depict sea waves).

Note. Games with water are best organized in the summer

walking or in the washroom. Water can be tinted.

"Breeze"

The teacher holds in his hand a plume to which light ribbons are attached, and says the following words:

Wind, blow stronger

Unfurl the ribbons quickly.

Wey, wey, breeze,

Get him, buddy!

Then he begins to move quickly, waving his plume. Children try to catch the “breeze”.

The plot basis of such games can be the works of children's writers, poets, and folklore.

"Bear Cubs"

The teacher reads P. Voronko’s poems, inviting the children to move.

The cubs lived in the thicket, turning their heads. Like this! (They shift from foot to foot, turn their head)

The cubs were looking for honey and shook the bush together. Like this! (Imitate the swaying of bushes)

They waddled around and drank water from the river. Like this! (They waddle, awkwardly, then bend over, “drink water”)

And then they danced, raising their paws higher. (Dance, raising their knees high)

In the second younger group, it is also necessary to introduce children to vocabulary that reflects the most vivid, visually easily identifiable emotional states: joy (joyful, joyful), fun (cheerful, cheerful, etc.), sadness (sad, sad, etc.). ), sadness (sad, sad, etc.), fright (frightened, frightened), anger (angry, angry), etc.

The main role in solving this problem is played by literature and folklore. When reading fairy tales, short stories, etc., the teacher focuses children’s attention on words that characterize certain emotional states. At the same time, you can demonstrate the manifestation of emotions in facial expressions, gestures, intonation, and encourage children to identify emotional states using questions: “Why did the bear run away when he heard the fox’s song?”, “Do you think the goat has always been cheerful? What else was she like? etc.

Children of this age must also learn to see and reproduce the characteristic features of the design of emotional states (joy, sadness, fear, anger). For this, it is appropriate to use illustrative material, theatrical activities, etc. For example, using a series of story pictures and sets of cards depicting the main character in different emotional states, the teacher invites children to choose a card for each story picture that matches the hero’s mood

Middle group

At this age stage, it is necessary to solve many more problems related to the emotional development of children. This is, first of all, an expansion of the experience of emotional response through the introduction of various sensory stimuli, which are often complex in nature (visual-vestibular, visual-auditory-tactile, etc.). For this we can recommend the following games.

"Who Lives in the House"

The teacher prepares several cardboard boxes with holes. Places objects of various qualities in them: hard, soft, smooth, prickly (such as a massage brush), etc. Children, feeling an object (toy), express (with facial expressions, movements) their impressions of “visiting” this or that house.

"Tasty-tasteless"

The teacher suggests closing your eyes and expressing your taste sensations with facial expressions. Gives you to try pieces of various vegetables and fruits: banana, lemon, apple, carrot, potato, pickled cucumber, radish, beet, etc.

“There are so many smells around”

The teacher suggests closing your eyes and showing with facial expressions whether the children inhaled a pleasant or unpleasant smell. Then he lets you smell perfume, an orange peel, a leaf of fragrant geranium, a clove of garlic, etc.

For the development of emotional expression, its mechanisms: non-verbal (facial, pantomimic, gestural) and verbal (words, sounds, phrases), as well as the formation of the foundations of expressiveness of external emotional manifestations, it is advisable to use emotionally expressive games (children embodying various situations from the life of animals, their habits ; conveying the emotional states of fairy-tale characters through personification, etc. Taking into account the age characteristics of children, the emotional play context is specific, prompting and guiding.

"Cat and kittens"

The essence of the game is for the “kittens” to repeat various actions shown by the “cat”. For example, a “cat” teaches “kittens” to meow, hunt (sneak up silently, stretch out their paws), run and hide from various dangers, etc.

"Convey with movements"

In middle preschool age, it is also important to replenish the “emotional” vocabulary with words denoting various moods, states (surprised, surprised, scary, scary, angry, angry, grief, grieving, cowardly, offended, sad, mischievous, etc.);

phrases reflecting shades of mood (not very angry, not at all scary, very sad, etc.); learn to select synonyms (joyful - cheerful, sad - sad, sad); find words that specify emotional states: angry (unpleasant, rude, angry); cheerful (happy, laughing), etc.; understand

emotional characteristics presented in the form of phraseological units: Masha the confused one, the picky girl, the good doctor Aibolit, etc.

To make it easier for children to master an emotional vocabulary and develop the ability to analyze emotions using words, they should first turn to fiction. It is also advisable to use visual models - a series of paintings reflecting episodes of fairy tales and stories. By showing this or that image, the teacher suggests remembering the hero’s mood and giving him a generalized emotional description.

You can make a cardboard circle with a moving arrow and depicting animals and people in different emotional states. Pointing to one of them, the teacher asks the children to name this mood and choose synonymous words (sad hare, what else?).

When introducing phraseological units, it is good to use riddles (author Yu. Kireeva):

The picky girl was looking for her brother.

Rechenka offended:

I didn't drink any milk.

Bulk apple

I didn’t eat it from the apple tree.

I didn’t want the rye pie out of the oven.

Who is the heroine of this fairy tale?

Guess without a hint.

(Picky girl)

This girl was going to the garden,

I tried to find my things.

It is difficult for a girl to look for things.

In the evening I scattered everything again.

Who is this girl? Who's confused?

Do you know her? Her name is... (Masha).

Treats small children

Treats birds and animals.

He looks through his glasses

Good doctor... (Aibolit).

Continuing a meaningful dialogue with children will allow turning to other types of activities: visual (the teacher and the children draw Masha the Confused Man, the good Doctor Aibolit, etc.), musical (selecting musical accompaniment for fairy tales), etc.

It is advisable to teach children to identify and differentiate emotional states (joy, sadness, fear, surprise, anger) by external signs, to notice changes (transitions) in mood, and also to reveal to children the meaning of such forms of behavior as offended, surprised, scared, caring, friendly etc., develop emotional identification.

To solve these problems, you can conduct conversations using pictograms, games, for example, “Confusion.”

The teacher places in front of the children a large sheet of thick paper on which people, animals, various objects, natural phenomena, etc. are drawn, connected to each other by winding lines of different colors. Offers to figure out who (or what) a puppy, mouse, bird, etc. are afraid of; who (or what) upset the girl; who (or what) amused the boy, etc. Then he offers his options for correcting negative experiences. For example, how to calm a puppy, how to help a girl overcome sadness, etc.

It is advisable to introduce children to the “Book of Moods”. It is created by the teacher. To do this, you need to bend five or six landscape

sheets and fasten them in the middle. Even pages represent symbolic images of various moods (pictograms), and odd pages reflect life situations, episodes of fairy tales, cartoons, objects, phenomena that can cause a particular emotional state. When considering the “Book of Moods,” it is advisable to encourage children to supplement its content with their own life experiences (name what (who) brings you joy; what can lead a person to a state of sadness, what it means to be offended, etc.).

You can complete tasks in the “Rainbow of Moods” albums, which require conveying emotions with color. For example.

• The teacher depicts the girls’ faces in a state of joy and sadness, asks them to draw a dress, bows, shoes that suit each of them.
• The teacher draws pictograms and several circles around them. Invites children to depict in circles objects, events, etc. that can evoke a particular mood.
• Depicts episodes from fairy tales (cheerful and sad animals around Aibolit, guests at Soroka the White-sided Magpie’s name day, etc.), offering to color each character according to his emotional state.

Senior preschool age

The tasks of this age stage include the following:

• improve the experience of external expression of emotions, encourage the transfer of subtle shades of mood, demonstrating the variety of components of emotional expression: facial expression, pantomimic, gestural, speech;
• stimulate the manifestation of an individually unique style of play behavior, originality of emotional response.

"Sign language interpreters"

The teacher offers to tell fairy tales to people who cannot hear anything, but understand sign language, facial expressions and pantomimes well. Emphasizes that when translating, it is important to monitor the expressiveness of movements. It is advisable to start with simple fairy tales: “The Ryaba Hen”, “Kolobok”, “The Mitten”, etc. You can use poems, songs, riddles.

"Live Pictures"

To conduct this game, it is advisable to decorate the curtain and elevation like a theater stage. The teacher suggests preparing for the display of “living pictures”, namely, thinking through the plot, poses, gestures, facial expressions, clothes, decorations, etc. Provides assistance as needed. During the game, children sit on chairs. The curtain opens only when the child is completely ready for the show. Viewers, looking at the “living pictures,” try to determine their name.

Note. Children can bring clothes and jewelry from home. “Little People” The content of the game is based on a poem by D. Kharms. The teacher suggests thinking about what emotional state they will demonstrate. Then he reads the text, the children take turns drawing small sketches reflecting certain moods.

T ra-ta-ta-tra-ta-ta,

The gates opened

And from there, from the gate,

A small crowd came out.

One uncle is like this,

Another uncle is like this,

The third uncle is like this,

And the fourth one is like this.

One aunt is like this,

And the second one is like this,

The third aunt is like this,

And the fourth one is like this...

Note. The text can be supplemented with “One boy like this...”, “One girl like that...”, etc.

Older children continue to be taught to understand, differentiate the emotional state based on external signs (facial expressions, gestures, postures, voice intonations), determine the reasons for a particular mood by analyzing circumstances, events, etc.; They develop the ability to respond to the emotional state of another person, to show sympathy, rejoicing, and assistance.

In the implementation of these tasks, fiction, especially landscape poetry, provides great assistance, where various moods and connections between human experiences and the state of nature are conveyed. An important place is given to conversations and games.

"Let's talk about the mood"

The teacher draws the children's attention to the fact that very different facial expressions can be seen in a store, bus, park, etc. Asks to name emotional states known to them. Then he shows images of people cut out from magazines. Children select the corresponding pictogram for each picture. Offers tasks like “Gather people: cheerful, offended, angry.” In conclusion, he suggests working in the “Rainbow of Moods” albums: creating two or three drawings on the themes: “Joyful mood”, “I’m sad”, “What surprises me”, etc.“One, two, three, find the right place”

The teacher installs pictograms in different places. While reading short passages from works of art, he invites children to take a place near the symbol that, in their opinion, corresponds to the described mood.

For homework, you can invite children to create their own books. To do this, they are given pre-prepared manuals - books,

the pages of which have a slot in the form of a square (circle). A disk with pictograms (five to seven symbolic images) is attached to the back. Each pictogram must be clearly visible in the slots. Children are asked to give the book a title and fill all the pages with plot drawings that convey the various emotional states of the characters. By exchanging such books, preschoolers learn to select pictograms (by rotating the disk) that correspond to the plot of a particular page.

Using problematic situations and visual material, you can dwell on such points as the reasons that cause certain emotional experiences, ways to change negative experiences.

In the future, it is recommended to bring children to the idea: a person’s mood largely determines his view of the world around him, relationships between people, etc. For this purpose, it is recommended to use the following works: V. Danko (“Dangerous Glasses”), E. Moshkovskaya (“Sour poems"), etc.

Let's talk about this in more detail using the example of M. Shchelovanov's poem “Morning”.

What is it like this morning?

Today is a bad morning

Today is a boring morning

And it looks like it will rain.

Why a bad morning!

Today is a good morning!

Today is a fun morning

And the clouds go away.

Will there be no sun today?

There will be no sun today

Today will be gloomy

Gray cloudy day.

Why won't there be sun?

There will probably be sunshine

There will definitely be sun

And a cool, blue shadow.

When re-reading the poem, the teacher invites the children to look at the reproductions (landscapes) through multi-colored pieces of glass. When reading the first and third quatrains, children use glass of dark, dull tones; when reading the second and fourth, they use bright, light glass.

The teacher emphasizes: a gloomy mood often makes everything

the environment (nature, objects, etc.) joyless, dull, uninteresting. And vice versa, a friendly, bright mood makes it possible to see the beautiful, amazing, and pleasant things around.

In the course of joint activities, work continues to enrich the vocabulary of emotional vocabulary (indifferent, pathetic, greedy, capricious,

lazy, offended, ashamed, boring, tired, etc.), while it is important to encourage children not only to name emotional states, but also to select synonyms, highlight shades of moods, and trace associative connections with color. While reading excerpts from works of fiction, the teacher suggests characterizing the features of the external expression of a particular state (for example, what does tired mean); reproduce this state with movements, choose a color that matches it.

In communication, it is important to pay attention to the figurativeness of the stylistic forms of children’s speech.

Children also continue to be taught to understand emotional characteristics in the form of phraseological units and to use them adequately (Princess Nesmeyana, Vovka the good soul, The Ugly Duckling, etc.). To do this, it is necessary to introduce children to works containing the following collective images: A. Barto (“Vovka the Good Soul”, “The Revushka Girl”), G.Kh. Andersen (“The Ugly Duckling”, “Thumbelina”), The Brothers Grimm (“Cinderella”), S. Marshak (“He’s so absent-minded”), Y. Akim (“The Incompetent”), S. Mikhalkov (“Thomas”), fairy tale “Kroshechka-Khavroshechka” and others.

You can create an album “They live among us” (each drawing is thoroughly thought out together with the children: background, pose, facial expression, surrounding objects, etc.).

It is recommended to hold conversations and evening entertainment, for example, “Journey to the Land of Familiar Heroes.” The teacher prepares in advance silhouette images of the Princess Nesmeyana, the Ugly Duckling, the Scattered One from Basseynaya Street, etc. Offers to go to an amazing country, where they will meet interesting characters.

Shows an image of Princess Nesmeyana, accompanying the display with a comic poem.

Oh, trouble, oh, trouble:

Quinoa in the garden.

I Princess Nesmeyana,

I won't stop crying.

I won't laugh for anything

I'll just burst into tears.

Asks the children to answer why the princess was named that way, whether it is possible to call someone else by that name, etc. Offers to choose words that characterize people similar to Princess Nesmeyana. In case of difficulty, he calls them himself (whiny, capricious, sad). You can organize the game “Make Nesmeyana Laugh”: children show comic sketches, trying to make her laugh.

Then the Ugly Duckling appears. The teacher suggests remembering what fairy tale he is from, naming characters from other fairy tales who were also outwardly unattractive at first (Cinderella, Tiny Khavroshechka, etc.); choose words that characterize them (modest, inconspicuous, etc.).

Demonstrates the transformation of the Ugly Duckling into a beautiful Swan (turns over the card).

Next, he shows the children an image of the Absent-Minded One from Basseynaya Street, reading excerpts from S. Marshak’s poem “That’s how absent-minded one is.” Playing the role of this hero, the teacher can say goodbye to the children instead of saying hello, etc. Then he offers to characterize a person who can be called “The Absent-Minded One from Basseynaya Street.”

In conclusion, he encourages children to reproduce the characteristic features of the heroes with their movements: boys depict the Absent-Minded Man from Basseynaya Street, and girls - the Princess Nesmeyana.

Adjusting to the state of another. Control of emotions

Many problems that arise in the process of communication are due to the fact that people do not listen to someone else’s mental state and do not try to adapt to it. In most cases, we prefer to distance ourselves from a person whose mental state does not coincide with ours. But this recipe does not always work. You know very well how annoying someone else's fun is when you are sad. And on the contrary: someone’s dull mood can ruin any holiday. But now we are talking about strangers! But what if a loved one is in this state that contradicts yours? Or not close, but very significant to you - for example, a negotiating partner or a client? By trying to impose your condition on him, you will only build a wall of misunderstanding between him and yourself. The hypnotist needs to be able to instantly change his mental state in accordance with the state of his partner.

Many novice hypnotists “stumble” on this very point, believing that adjusting to their partner’s state involves violence against themselves. But that's not true. No one is forcing you to have fun if you have “cats scratching” in your soul. Adjustment means that you need to find something in between your own state and the state of your partner. Your new mood should be in harmony with both your own feelings and the state of your partner.

The mental state depends on many internal and external factors, such as emotions, physiological tone, thinking patterns, stress resistance, upbringing, social circle, living conditions. All these factors are closely related to each other. The slightest change in one of these factors entails a change in mental state. It’s hard to disagree with the fact that emotions are the most changeable factor. Indeed, the emotional sphere is very mobile. In a short period of time, a person can experience dozens of strong and completely opposite emotions. Under the influence of emotions, people commit actions that they never even thought about.

A good hypnologist must be in complete control of his emotional sphere. Without this control, it will be impossible not only to change his mental state, but even to keep him in a stable state.

The key to changing mental states is to control your emotions. The exercises in this chapter will help you master your emotions, instantly change the “pole” of emotions and remain calm in stressful situations.

Exercise

"Change the mood with a gesture"

I have been developing this technique for several years. Its purpose is to help a person change the nature of emotional states. This is especially important for people who are quick-tempered and emotionally unstable. If you overreact to some insignificant, trivial things or notice that your mood changes suddenly, for no reason at all, it is simply vitally important for you to change the nature of these reactions and metamorphoses. Without this, there can be no talk of any serious self-hypnosis, much less hypnosis.

Conventional wisdom says: in order to eliminate the effect, you need to find the cause. This is only half true. There are areas in which the cause can be changed through the effect. This also applies to the sphere of emotions. By changing physiological sensations, you can change your emotional state. For example, if you keep the tips of your lips raised for five minutes, that is, smile, your mood improves. And an uncomfortable body position (for example, when working with machinery or traveling) can put us in a bad mood.

To create a consequence that can change the emotional sphere, you and I will turn to our body for help. Physical reactions to various emotional states are very easy to track. Many of these reactions even bring discomfort: for example, during excitement, the heart beats strongly, blood pressure rises, the temperature may rise, and sometimes nausea or dizziness appears.

But there are other reactions that we don’t pay attention to because they happen automatically. A typical example of such automatic reactions is a person grabbing his head, hitting his forehead or slapping his thighs, scratching his forehead or the back of his head.

However, there are also atypical, individual reactions. I had a client who would stand on one leg for a few seconds whenever his boss called him. Another client, arguing with his wife, went to the refrigerator, grabbed the handle and said “ha-ha!” Moreover, in both cases, people did not notice their movements, they were so familiar.

It is possible that you also have such an individual movement, which is a reaction to a stressful situation. If you wish, you can watch yourself (or ask someone to watch you from the side). But you don’t have to do this. But what you just need to do is to develop a new, conscious movement that you will make whenever the degree of your emotions rises above the norm.

I offer you a very simple technique that even a child can easily master. The only difficulty is that it must be done in several stages (if you are a very emotional person).

Identify the feeling that you want to learn to control. This could be anger or irritation, sudden melancholy or boredom. Some may want to gain control over positive emotions as well. For example, excessive delight or bouts of laughter sometimes interfere with sober thinking.

After you have chosen an emotion, you need to come up with a gesture - a movement that will be associated with it. The gesture should be uncharacteristic of you, but acceptable in the company of other people. Don't invent complex movements: you won't remember them. The main thing is simplicity and uncharacteristicness. For example, you can take off your watch and put it in your pocket or purse. While unfastening the strap, give yourself the mental attitude: “As soon as I hide the watch, my condition will change.”

To consolidate the installation, you need to conduct training practice. The algorithm for this practice is as follows:

1. Come up with the desired setting and the movement that should turn on this setting. “Rehearse” this movement several times to make sure it is easy to do.

2. Enter a state of self-hypnotic trance (you can use breathing techniques).

3. Remember a situation that causes an unwanted emotion in you. What feelings are you experiencing at this moment? What would you like to experience? For example, you feel anger or resentment, but you would like to feel joy or indifference.

4. Mentally say a hypnotic setting to yourself and at the same time make a movement that includes this setting.

5. Perform a relaxation technique.

6. Repeat the algorithm 2-3 more times.

Try it and you will see that it really works. For each emotion, come up with your own special movement.

Exercise

"Tale about myself"

It is useful for every person to get to know himself better. This is especially necessary for those who practice hypnosis. This exercise is a meditation in which you yourself will be the object of meditation. You must concentrate on your thoughts about yourself. There is one subtlety to this exercise: you need to be as impartial with yourself as possible. This does not mean that you should necessarily look for negative aspects in yourself. You just have to step back from any emotions about yourself. At the same time, you cannot imagine that you are talking about some other person. The pronoun “I” is very important in this exercise. Every sentence should begin with this word.

Perform this exercise in a way that is comfortable for you: standing, sitting, lying down. You can even walk around the room from corner to corner. Or you can go to nature, for example, to the forest. No one forbids you to do this exercise while walking along forest paths. All you have to do is think out loud about “who am I?”

Tell us everything you know about yourself. How were you born, what did you like to play as a child, what did you dream about in your youth, what did you experience when you first fell in love. Any memories, thoughts, dreams will do, as long as they start with the word “I”. To make it clearer to you how this should sound, I will give as an example a story about myself from a patient:

“I was born at three o'clock in the afternoon. I was born in Somers, Wisconsin. I caused my mother a lot of trouble because I was born premature. I shouldn't have survived because medicine wasn't that advanced at that time. I grew up as an introverted child. I loved summer because in the warm weather I could lie on the grass, look at the clouds and drink a milkshake through a straw. I went to a school for children with disabilities. I was not a child with disabilities, it was just the only school I could walk to. I didn’t notice the difference between myself and these children. I still think that they are no worse than normal children. I was friends with a girl named Nick who was afraid of heights. I dreamed of buying a hot air balloon and taking my friend on it so that her fear would disappear.”

The story about yourself doesn't have to be long. Try to keep it to 5 minutes. You can set a timer. You don’t need to remember all the information about yourself at once. Leave something for the rest of your classes. The main thing is not even what exactly you say, but that you talk about yourself for five minutes. You can think about your plans, your dreams, what you would do if you had a million dollars or the powers of Spider-Man. The main thing is to be dispassionate and start any of your sentences with the word “I”.

Exercise

"Listen to the time passing"

“Listening to Time Passing” is a great technique for quickly entering a trance state, so you can use it in conjunction with the exercises in the first chapter. But in this case, we are interested in something else: this simple exercise tunes the consciousness to “separate the wheat from the chaff,” that is, highlight the main thing and weed out the unimportant.

I developed this technique specifically for clients with neuroses that arise from overwork associated with a huge number of tasks. Each of us has daily chores and responsibilities, but sometimes people take on so much that it drives them to the point of neurosis. To avoid overload, you need to be able to rank things and spend your energy first of all on what is really important and necessary.

This is very difficult because all urgent matters seem important. But everything changes when a person realizes that his life time is limited, and all his affairs still cannot be changed. Such understanding usually comes too late, when a person no longer has any time left. The proposed technique helps you look at your life time differently and understand its value. Do it every day - and you will become more concentrated, restrained from emotions, and stop being distracted by extraneous factors.

For this exercise you will need a small wristwatch with a second hand. Position them so that both ears can hear them equally well. The exercise is performed while lying on a hard surface, which means you need to place the watch directly behind the top of your head. Lie down, take a comfortable position, relax. Take a few deep breaths and begin to listen to the ticking of the clock, trying not to think about anything else, not to perceive other impressions. To help you concentrate even better, you can count the strikes of the clock to one hundred, in a row or every other stroke. To keep your imagination active, you can choose a visual image that is in harmony with the sound of the clock. For example, imagine grains of sand falling in an hourglass, or raindrops breaking on the asphalt.

Execution time is from 5 to 7 minutes. You can set a timer that will signal that it is time to end the exercise. After the signal, take a few deep breaths, stretch and stand up. You must reach such a degree of concentration that the ticking of the clock becomes an audible passage of time for you. This may not work out the first time, but with regular practice such concentration is inevitable.

Later, when you learn to instantly focus on the sound of the second hand, you will only need to hear the ticking to enter this state. This will greatly help you in solving difficult problems and in emotionally charged situations.

Exercise

"Cold and Pressure"

With this technique, you can develop a control sensation that will allow you to instantly normalize your emotions.

I often use this technique myself. It's very convenient. When emotions overflow, I tell myself: “Now I will feel cold and pressure, and when these sensations disappear, I will be calm as a rock.” I take out the object, place it in the middle of my palm and concentrate for a moment. When I put the object away, all emotions disappear.

Take a comfortable position (sitting, lying or standing - it doesn’t matter). Close your eyes and extend your right hand, palm up. Place a small metal object in the middle of your palm. For example, a lighter in a steel case or a key, but not too small. The main thing is that the object produces light pressure on the skin and you can feel its weight. It is also important that the item is the most ordinary, which may well end up in your pocket or bag.

Placing an object in the middle of your palm, concentrate on your sensations in this place. You should monitor two sensations: cold and pressure. To avoid being distracted by foreign objects, you can close your eyes.

This exercise cannot be long, since the heat of the hand will inevitably heat up the metal. Your task is to “catch” the initial feeling of cold and pressure, and completely immerse your attention in these two sensations. As soon as the cold begins to disappear, end the exercise.

Once you learn to instantly focus on these sensations, you can repeat this practice anywhere, anytime. You can use this concentration as a trance that will help you make the right decision or calm down.

Exercise

"Gamma of aroma"

Thanks to this exercise, you will feel like a perfumer for a while. But, of course, the main goal of the exercise is concentration, thanks to which a restructuring of emotions occurs.

You've probably heard a lot about aromatherapy. It is usually prescribed as a symptomatic remedy for simple mental disorders or loss of strength. Aromas can treat insomnia or, conversely, add energy. If you are into aromatherapy, this exercise will help you achieve maximum benefits from using aromas.

For this exercise, choose scents that are not too strong - especially if you are allergic to strong odors. Natural scents, such as pine resin or mint leaves, work best. You can use cologne or essential oil. Just don't choose complex aromas: they are more difficult to concentrate.

This technique is especially suitable for women, since women naturally have better developed olfactory receptors.

Pick up a source of aroma - a pine twig, mint leaves; a napkin soaked in cologne or essential oil. Bring it to your nose at such a distance that the smell is not too strong and irritating. Close your eyes and focus completely on your olfactory sensations. You should inhale slowly, in small portions: with a strong inhalation, too much essential substances enter the nose, and the olfactory receptors may lose sensitivity.

What do you associate this smell with? These could be pictures of nature or childhood memories. Maybe you remember a song or a piece of art? Let your imagination go with the flow, but don't be distracted by the smell. He should dominate your dreams. To associate a smell with a certain state as much as possible, be sure to say to yourself what you feel and see.

The practice time is 10–15 minutes.

It is advisable to perform this exercise every evening for a week to consolidate the attitude associated with a certain smell. After this, you can use this smell to instantly restructure your emotional state. To do this, simply apply a handkerchief soaked in the selected scent to your face.

Exercise

"Smooth out emotions"

There is such an expression as “smoothing the corners.” This technique helps very well to smooth out the sharp corners of the psyche.

Each person has internal “buttons”, the “pressing” of which leads to an emotional explosion. These could be people you don’t like, topics in conversation, certain situations, advertising that interrupts your favorite program, that is, everything that causes acute internal rejection and irritation.

Such emotions greatly darken our lives. And it’s even worse if these situations are repeated day after day. It is impossible to adapt to negative emotions, but with a constant negative background, they are driven inside and become the causes of neuroses.

The exercise I offer you will help you prevent such “pressing internal buttons.” You will stop overreacting emotionally to acute situations.

Sit comfortably on a backless chair. Close your eyes. Take several slow, deep breaths (belly breathing).

Imagine one of those situations that makes you angry. Draw a bright, full-color picture, hear with your inner ear the words that especially hurt you, immerse yourself in those circumstances.

The better your imagination works, the deeper you will go into trance, which means the technique will be more effective. As soon as you begin to experience negative emotions, start stroking your legs: from the hips to the knees. The strokes should be slow but strong, as if you were driving water away.

When you reach your knees, make a motion as if you were shaking off trash. This garbage is your negativity. Return to the top of your thighs again and again and slowly move your hands towards your knees.

Continue stroking until the emotions subside. In this way, “work through” all situations that involve your negative buttons.

This technique is effective after the first lesson, but if you want to learn the correct way to respond to annoying situations, you need to practice regularly.

Exercise

"Cleansing the mind"

At the end of each work week, do this meditation exercise to clear your mind. You will need at least half an hour for it. You must be left alone. Turn off your phone: no one should disturb you during this time. The light in the room should be diffused and dim. A dimmable desk lamp works well. I do not recommend using candles as candle flames are very sensitive to air movement. An oscillating flame will produce inconsistent light, which can be very distracting.

Body position – sitting. Choose a position in which you feel comfortable.

Close your eyes and take ten deep breaths in and out. As you inhale, imagine that the air is entering the solar plexus area. When you exhale, imagine that you are immersing your consciousness there.

Through the solar plexus you “fall” inside yourself and find yourself in a movie theater. The whole week you’ve lived passes on the screen in front of you: where you were, what you did, who you met, what you talked about. All the thoughts, emotions, everything you have experienced. It's like watching a movie. Faces and situations flash before you, you hear words, snippets of phrases.

Imagine that you take a water gun and start spraying on the screen. Water falling on it dissolves the picture. The images merge into spots of color that flow down. The film stops. One white screen remains.

At this point you can complete the meditation - exit the solar plexus in the “reverse” way, inhale ten times and open your eyes. But if you want, you can “launch” a new film on the screen that will show what you dream about, or how you plan to change the current situation.