The point is, if you want something out of life, you have to pay for it.
Each of us wants to feel good. To make life easy, carefree and happy. To fall in love and enjoy amazing sex and relationships. Look great, be popular and respectable. So that when you appear, people part from admiration.
Everyone would like this - after all, it is so easy and pleasant to want.
If I ask you "What do you want from life?", in most cases you will answer something like: "I want to be happy, have a big family and a great job." These words are so general that they mean absolutely nothing.
The question that determines your success
A much more interesting question, which I suspect no one has ever asked you, is what kind of pain would you choose for yourself in this life? Why are you willing to suffer? Because it is this question that is decisive for each of us.
Yes, each of us dreams of a wonderful job and financial success. But no one dreams of a 60-hour work week, tiresome business trips, endless and boring paperwork, impeccable observance of corporate hierarchy, etc. etc. People want to be rich, but in such a way that they do not sacrifice anything and do not take risks in order to increase their savings.
Yes, everyone wants amazing sex and relationships. But no one dreams of serious conversations, painful silence, pain and emotional psychodramas. And you need to go through all this until you establish a trusting and sincere relationship with a partner.
And most people settle for less. And this goes on for years, until the question catches up with them: “Is that all?” And now they are in the courtroom, then - a divorce, alimony. They ask themselves: “What was all this for?” Why did they settle for less 20 years ago? For what?
And all this happens because happiness requires a struggle. Only by engaging in a battle with the negative, you get a positive - as a reward for "labor". And no matter how you run away from the negative, avoiding the struggle, sooner or later it will “catch up” with you anyway.
The psychology of human behavior is that all our needs are somehow similar. A positive experience is easy and we enjoy "dealing with it". This negative experience requires, by definition, struggle.
The fact is that everything that we get from life is determined not by the good feelings that we dream about so much, but by the unpleasant and bad ones that we are ready to endure in order to still get pleasant ones later.
All people want to be in excellent physical shape. But you can forget about it if you are not ready for hard exercises and physical pain during regular workouts. gym. Also - if you are not ready to eat rationally and monitor the calorie content of food.
And someone dreams of their own business, which will bring good profits. But you won't become a successful entrepreneur if you're not prepared to take risks, constant uncertainty, repeated setbacks, and working late into the night on new projects.
We all want a warm and sincere relationship, a good wife (husband). But are we ready to go through the experience of unsuccessful relationships, broken hopes and expectations for this? Are you ready to wait for hours for a phone call? And this is part of the game called Love. You will never win if you don't play.
Your success is determined not by the question “What do you want to enjoy?”, but by “What am I willing to pay for? What kind of pain are you willing to endure?
The quality of your life is not determined by the amount of positive experience, but vice versa - negative. If you are ready for a negative experience, you will achieve what you want.
Everyone wants something. And they all want it badly enough. They just don't know what they want. Or rather, what they want "hard enough".
The point is, if you want something out of life, you have to pay for it. If you want a great body, you have to get up early, work hard in the gym and watch your diet. If you want a luxury yacht, you should be prepared for the fact that you will have to work until late at night, make risky deals and make a lot of competitors and ill-wishers.
If you want something month after month, year after year, and yet you don't get an inch closer to your goal, it's most likely just your imagination. Illusion, empty mirages.
Maybe what you want is not what you really want at all.
Perhaps you are just enjoying your "want".
Perhaps you don't want this at all.
Sometimes I ask people, "What are you willing to sacrifice to achieve your goal?" They look up and look at me as if I have twelve noses on my face. But I'm not just asking. I ask this question because the answer to it will tell me much more about people than desires and fantasies themselves.
Life cannot consist of roses and unicorns alone. That is why this difficult question is so important. Because everything that concerns pleasures and amenities is an easy matter. Almost everyone has the answer to it. Another thing is the question of what you are willing to sacrifice in order to achieve the goal.
The answer to this difficult question will help you a lot. This is a question that can change our lives.
The question that defines us. It shows how different we all are, but in the end how much the same.
In early childhood and adolescence, I dreamed of becoming a musician, for example, a famous rock star. As soon as I heard the sound of a guitar somewhere, I immediately closed my eyes and imagined myself on stage. How I play, and the audience in the hall go crazy with delight. I could revel in my fantasies for hours.
I continued to be in the clouds of these pictures in college, when I had already abandoned music studies and stopped playing seriously. But even then I was sure that this day would definitely come - when I go on stage, run my fingers along the guitar neck and the audience will howl with delight.
I was just waiting for the time when I could throw all my strength into making my dream come true. But first I had to finish school ... When I finished it, I still had to earn money ... Well, then it turned out that I had a catastrophic lack of time to study music ... And then more and more ... and nothing.
I spent almost half of my life dreaming of a career as a musician! It took me a lot of time and bad experiences to eventually realize that I just didn't really want to be one.
I liked the result - the picture of how I perform on stage, how the audience applauded in the hall, how I sway to the beat of the music that passes through my heart - but not the process of working on myself as a musician. That's why nothing worked out for me, and my dreams remained only color pictures. Hell, I didn't even try "not hard enough". I almost did not try to make my dream come true.
Daily many hours of rehearsals, searching for musicians for the band and venues - all this required one thing - just get together and do it. And I was expecting broken strings, fatigue and sweat, despair and disappointment, 40 pounds of concert props that had to be carried by hand.
All this consisted of a huge mountain, on the top of which I wanted to climb. But I was only interested in the summit. And it took me more than one year to understand that I did not want to climb so high at all. I just wanted to imagine myself at the top.
Some of the townsfolk will say that I myself am to blame for not making my dream come true. That I'm lazy and a loser. A self-development coach will say that I was not persistent and determined enough in the fight for my dream. That he didn't believe in himself. Business coach - that I was afraid to start something new and chose the beaten path in life. That I need to enroll in a group where I will receive support and special knowledge.
But the truth is quite different: I thought I wanted something, when in fact I didn't. Here is the end of the story.
I wanted fame and didn't want to fight. I wanted the result and didn't want the process. I was in love with victory, but not with battle. But life doesn't work like that. Never.
Who you are is determined by what you are willing to sacrifice to achieve your goal. Because people who like to work out in the gym are in wonderful physical shape. And those who like long work weeks and corporate rules move up the career ladder. Those who are ready for uncertainty and constant stress– become artists and actors.
This is not a call to show all your willpower, otherwise you will remain grains of sand in this world. No, this is completely different: "Without pain, you will not achieve anything."
Remember a very simple and important principle of life: our efforts and pain determine our future success.. Therefore, if you want to achieve something, always choose to fight, my friend.published .
Have questions - ask them
P.S. And remember, just by changing your consciousness - together we change the world! © econet
Events
1. Can love last forever?
A team of scientists recently discovered that romantic love is associated with chemical changes in the brain that last 12-18 months. After that, you and your partner look at each other differently. Relationships require care and attention. Visit a nursing home, where you can get evidence of lasting love.
2. Why do married people become similar to each other?
Look at any two people who enjoy talking to each other and you will see how they mirror each other. If one smiles, then the other too, if one nods his head and raises his eyebrows, so does his interlocutor. Faces become similar when two people have a subconscious desire to synchronize their actions. In the case of marriage, multiply these desires by several decades lived together and get the answer to the question!
3. Can a marriage survive betrayal?
Yes. Of course, this will take a lot of time and work, but experts are pretty unanimous in answering this question. It is estimated that about 60 percent of husbands and 40 percent of wives have something on the side at some point in their marriage. However, this is good news for couples who are hoping to recover from the devastating effects of a loss of trust. The offended partner must make a choice in order to forgive and learn to live with it, since it cannot be erased from memory. Adultery is never forgotten, but it is gradually erased from memory against the backdrop of a strong and mature marriage.
4. Why does time fly by in summer and slow in winter?
Because the context determines the essence. As Albert Einstein said, “When you take care of beautiful girl, an hour flies like a second, but when you sit on hot ashes, a second seems like an hour.
5. Do animals actually have a sixth sense?
Or seventh or eighth! A box jellyfish has 24 eyes, an earthworm's entire body is covered in taste buds, a cockroach can detect the movement of the smallest particle, and your dog can smell up to 100,000 times better than you (some dogs have even been known to smell human beings). cancer cells). It is safe to say that animals live in a world completely different from ours.
6. Why is the lane you are driving in always the slowest?
Because you are late for a concert with your child and complain about the fact that you are constantly unlucky, while envying those who rush past you. Conversely, when you are in a fast moving lane, you are usually free from stress and anxiety and don't even notice the poor fellows who are in the "slow" lane. Luck rarely comes at the first call.
7. At what age should we decide what we want from life?
Any time. Previously, this was the question most often asked by young people. There are many explanations and points of view on this matter, but the oldest wisdom of all times and peoples says: "There is nothing to do with life, except to live it." As noted, "almost everything you will do with life is insignificant, but it is very important that you do it."
8. Why are there always traffic jams on the roads?
Scientists are working hard to study this issue and computer models of the physics of traffic jams, and are also trying to invent new algorithms for traffic lights. Some researchers suggest that the rhythms of the movement of vehicles are influenced by the same force as the cyclic movement of waves in the ocean. Others explain this phenomenon more simply: there are simply too many people who want to do the same thing at the same time (imagine the toilet of a government institution, where all employees decided to go at the same time).
9. When you have no future?
When you stop dreaming, so don't stop!
10. Should you love your job?
No. Love your children, your spouse, and your country. Love your parents, your neighbors and your dog. The feeling of love is a very important emotional state that helps a person to live, and love is too important to be associated with how you make a living. But, nevertheless, to strive to satisfy your needs is quite natural.
According to a recent survey, 59 percent of Americans consider their job satisfaction to be high or average, while 33 percent feel depressing about feeling like their careers have come to a standstill. If you are among the latter and are already thinking about changing jobs, then take into account the fact that employees of small firms feel and see the result of their work more clearly than those who work in large companies.
11. Can a man and a woman just be friends?
For a short period of time they can. But after the serious relationship that was between you, this is at least unpleasant.
12. When will you pick up your grandfather's car keys?
Currently, 22 states in the world require constant testing of drivers of age. The American Medical Association and many non-governmental organizations say that driving safety is more about functional ability than age. True, older people are more at risk of visual and hearing loss, but, nevertheless, it all depends on the person.
13. Do brothers and sisters who constantly fight love each other?
All experts will tell you that fighting between siblings is normal. The main thing in this matter is how parents relate to this. Rule #1: never take sides and never try to find out who started first in order to make what you think is a fairer verdict.
14. How do you know when a friendship is over?
As soon as such thoughts come to you. This means that it did not start at all.
15. Why do we eventually turn into our parents, although we swear that we will not do as they do?
Because really, when all is said and done, we just admire them.
16. Can a "half empty" person become "half full"?
One of the modern theories says that a person has "a lot of emotional points." Some people just manage to be happier than others. Pessimists will see this as bad news, believing that whatever they do doesn't matter because they won't end up happy anyway. But any optimist will understand that there is hope! Happiness depends more on how you personally perceive certain life situations, and not on the actual events themselves.
17. When do children become adults?
Biologically it happens earlier, emotionally later. Currently, puberty for women falls on the age of 8-14 years, for men - 9-15 years. Some time ago, when a person was 18 years old, he set out on a free voyage and did not depend on his parents. Now, after graduating from university, children often return to their parents, hoping in their person for laundry, canteen and other duties that adult life imposes on a person. For a while, it seems cute, but the older the child gets, the less cute it seems.
18. Can a mother be friends with her teenage daughter?
No. Most teenagers are not ready for mature friendships. According to the latest modern research, the brain continues to develop when a person crosses the 20-year milestone. Mothers very often want to be friends with their daughters, and fathers with their sons. But this is in no way in anyone's interest. Teenagers need to form their own perception of life, which in any case will be different from their parents, since each person has his own. This means that teenagers should have their own personal lives and even secrets from their parents - this is a completely normal thing. As a rule, it is easier for a teenage girl to make friends with her mother's friend, and for the mother, it is best to leave things as they are.
19. Can money buy happiness?
No, because happiness is not for sale. Many people get confused, trying to get rich, but at the same time falling into a bottomless pit full of longing. But it turns out that joy and sorrow are not so far apart when it comes to a large wad of money. Consider the case of one couple from Kentucky who won $34 million in 2000. Delighted that now they can finally get rid of their boring work, they squandered all their luck on luxury cars, mansions, losing everything that matters in human relationships in the process. They divorced, he died of alcohol-related illnesses, she died alone in her new home just five years after cashing in the winning ticket.
When it comes to happiness, only the people you love and who love you can give it to you. If you have enough money to buy yourself a yacht, but no friends to ride it with, you will sink.
20. Can someone who loves to spend and someone who constantly saves get along together?
Of course they can, if they always discuss these issues. Disagreements over money are a leading cause of divorce, which is why experts advise constantly discussing this issue if, from a financial point of view, your partner is your opposite. Tip: always say "our" instead of "mine" and "your", it actually works. Divide your responsibilities: let the one who saves be responsible for the family budget, and the one who loves to spend will be responsible for vacations, holidays and ordering additional pizza sauces.
21. Is money the root of all evil?
No, greed. "When you share money, only then does it have value."
22. Why is it so hard to say "you're wrong"?
Because it also most often implies the phrase "Sorry", which is even more difficult to say. Throughout history, it has been easier for people to stop communicating with each other altogether, to slander each other, to shoot, to bomb, but not to apologize. Tip: next time just try saying "oh" and see what happens.
23. In what situations is it possible to reveal a secret that you should not tell anyone about?
It's a matter of self-control. Is the person who asked you to keep something a secret, in danger, or is he or others in danger? If yes, then intervene. IN otherwise no need to say too much.
Sometimes questions are more important than answers
I have long believed that the quality of our lives directly depends on our ability to set the right questions. Our questions lead us to the truth, and then to the setting of the right tasks and goals that determine the important aspects of our lives.
Because of my curiosity and propensity to ask a lot of questions, I was nicknamed Q. The desire to find answers to the questions I posed was very useful to me at work. Remembering which questions helped me the most, 4 came to mind that no one usually asks themselves.
What will it cost me and am I ready to pay this price?
In Luke 14:28, Jesus says, "For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and calculate the cost, whether he has what it takes to complete it?"
In the case of such important questions as: where to study, whom to marry, when and whether to have children, whether to look for new job how much to spend on a big purchase, it is always very important to calculate your options. In life, everything is arranged according to the principle of "gained-lost". When we choose one area of work, we automatically push all the others. When we get married, we make a lifetime promise. When we shop, we have less left for charity or investing.
It is important to understand the mistakes of the past in order to see the causes of failures, and be able to do without them in the future.
I know many people who made quick decisions that seemed very profitable at the time, but later they had to pay for what they could not foresee.
We know that the Bible says that being a disciple of Christ is very difficult. Most of us, especially those who grew up in the West, were used to living in comfortable conditions for life and faith, and it was easy for us to believe. But what if things suddenly got a lot worse? Would we continue to tell the truth and testify about God even in difficult conditions?
The reality is that living by faith will cost us something. Every solution has a price tag. Whether in the ministry, at work, in the field of study or just in everyday life, there are solutions, and we need to know their cost, and understand if we really want to pay it?
Why was it invented?
Everyone knows the tendency of "Greeks" to question any form of power, to constantly change something in their lives, and to make this world a better place. The latter is more than ever the way - we should change a lot in this world.
However, before changing the system, it is important to understand its origin, analyze its strengths and weaknesses, so as not to repeat the mistakes of the past.
Robert Frost once said, "Never take down a fence without first knowing why it was put there." It is important to understand the mistakes of the past in order to see the causes of failures, and be able to do without them in the future.
How do you change your starting point and see the big picture?
There is nothing more depressing than working with a person who believes that he is always right and does not know how to put himself in the place of others. This narrow-mindedness slows growth and ruins careers.
Throughout life, we accumulate experience that should expand our views on people, politics and other issues. In addition, it is very important to be able to relax, and, despite what our experience tells us, try to look at the situation in a new way, from a completely different angle.
We like to cluster in our neighborhoods and churches with people like us, because it's more convenient for us. But if all our friends are similar and have the same views on things, then we limit ourselves in terms of perspective, different ideas and opinions, and, thereby, reduce our effectiveness as leaders.
In order not to become narrow-minded, from time to time I buy newspapers and magazines of different political views. Instead of being friends only with those who share my views, I try to find friends of a wide variety of worldviews.
By expanding our horizons, we will be able to better understand other people and their beliefs, and this will lead to more coordinated work at all levels of society. Most likely, we will see that it is time to rise from our cozy Christian rocking chair and start serving people in a more tangible way.
How to find the point of intersection of my will with the will of God?
It seems that these days every young man or girl wakes up with the same question: “What should I do in life?” Everyone wants to find their calling and purpose in life, and that's wonderful.
But I've noticed that many people ask this question and just sit back and say, "Now I'll wait for God to open the door for me, or show me the way." But in fact, God wants us not to sit idly by, but also take some action. Whatever situation we are in right now, if we work faithfully and diligently to bring glory to God, we will be in His will. Deuteronomy 15:10 says, “Give him [and lend him as much as he asks and as much as he needs], and when you give to him, do not grieve your heart, for the Lord your God will bless you in all your doings.” and in everything that will be done by your hands.”
God did not promise to correct our mistakes, but He promised to bless our diligence and work. And this requires us to act, to be faithful and diligent.
Therefore, you should ask yourself the question: “What task does God set before me now and how can I fulfill it?” Remember the promise in Proverbs 3:6: “In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths.” To see how our path straightens out, we first need to stand on it and start moving forward along it. God cannot straighten our ways if we sit in one place waiting.
When we start asking ourselves these questions and looking for the truth, then we will stop living, accepting events “by default”, and we will make a conscious choice. Life "by default" is a life without questions, rafting with the flow with all the ensuing consequences. Life by choice is life with difficult questions, searching for truth and making the best decisions based on the answers found, which will lead us to the path God has provided for us. People whose hearts are full of love and whose lives are full of meaning always take the time to ask the right questions.
Ask yourself before it's too late.
Chantal Gerber is the co-founder of Want2Discover, a self-development project.
You can close this article right now, pretend that you have never seen it, and live on as you lived. But when do you plan to challenge yourself to live a bigger, more meaningful, more fulfilled, and more meaningful life?
You see, many of us live on autopilot. We no longer direct the course of our lives, but become part of standard schemes and routines. And what is most unpleasant, we begin to be satisfied with this comfort, we stop pushing ourselves towards a more meaningful life. If you're feeling like you're living on autopilot, then it's probably time to ask yourself a few questions. important issues— which we often avoid because they can push us out of our comfort zone. But it's never too late to change the course of your life. And the questions from the list below are the first step to realizing what you need to change and what to act differently. But be sure to answer honestly and don't be afraid of complex, conflicting emotions - this is just what you need to push yourself to make much-needed changes.
1. Do you like the person you have become?
2. What will people say about you at your funeral?
3. What will you regret not doing in your life?
4. What is the wisest thought you have ever heard?
5. What have you learned from your personal bitter experience?
6. How often do your best strong anxiety and fears?
7. If you had a year to live, what would you try to achieve?
8. Are you in the service of money, or is money in the service of you?
9. Are you afraid to be yourself around other people? Why?
10. What are you grateful for?
11. Have you recently done something that you are proud of?
12. Have you done something kind recently?
13. If you knew you were going to die tomorrow, what questions would you ask yourself?
14. If your worst fears came true, would it matter five years later?
15. How would you describe yourself?
16. Do you take other people's advice?
17. Do you get offended quickly?
18. Do you consider yourself a pleasant person?
19. “What we get ensures our existence. What we give creates our life.” What do these words of Winston Churchill mean to you?
20. Do you enrich the lives of others?
21. Are you living a meaningful life?
22. What is a meaningful life?
23. Would you give your life to save another person's life?
24. How much are you willing to sacrifice for people in poverty?
25. If you could live the same day over and over again, what would you rather do on that day?
26. Do you consider yourself important and worthy of affection and love?
27. What will help you feel like a more worthy person? What should be different about you?
28. What upsets you the most?
29. Would you agree to work less (and do what you love) and earn less?
30. What brings you peace?
31. What is the main quality you look for in others?
32. What is your main dream?
33. What is your biggest fear?
34. How would the world have changed if you had not been born?
35. What life lessons would you like to know ten years ago?
36. If you could say one thing to yourself when you were young, what would it be?
37. If your life were a movie, what would it be called?
38. If your life were a movie, would you enjoy watching it?
39. What does success mean to you?
40. If you could be a different person, what would you be?
41. What was the best day of your life? Why do you think so?
42. What are you most looking forward to in life?
43. From what bad habits would you like to opt out?
44. Who is your authority and why?
45. Do you know your partner's love language?
46. Do the people you love the most know how you love them?
47. Are you satisfied with the depth of your relationships with people?
48. What do you owe yourself?
49. Given your current daily life, what do you expect to achieve in five years?
50. Do you often say "yes" when you really want to say "no"? Why?
51. What did you learn yesterday?
52. What do you like about yourself?
53. Would you call yourself a generous person?
54. When people talk to you, do you really listen?
55. What is the most important thing you need to change in your life this year?
56. How many hours a week do you spend on the Internet?
57. What are your most common negative thoughts? Do they have logic?
58. Do you think that some things are too late for you to take on? Why?
59. If you could become the most powerful person in the world, what would you change?
60. How much time do you spend with family and friends?
61. Where do you want to be in five years?
62. Do things that are not necessary complicate your life?
63. How could you simplify your life and focus on what matters most?
64. What causes you stress?
65. What makes your life easier?
66. How often do you share something without expecting something in return?
67. What is the biggest challenge in your life?
68. What is the most important thing for you in life? Are you giving it enough time?
69. If you could send a message to the whole world, what would you say in 30 seconds?
70. What do you not tell anyone about and really regret about it?
71. When was the last time you tried something new?
72. Are you afraid to express your own opinion?
73. Do you often give in to the persuasion of others, and then feel resentment and regret?
74. Do you hold on to something to leave behind?
75. How often do you let your fears keep you from taking action?
76. Do people in your life help you to show your best side?
77. How often do you dismiss others with excuses?
78. What mistake will you never make again?
79. What is worse - to fail or not to try at all?
80. What helped your personal growth more - challenges and trials or pleasant and cozy moments of life?
81. If you could make sure that there were no more challenges and obstacles in your life, would you agree to it?
82. What stands between you and your most important goal? Give the answer in one word.
83. How often do you go to bed feeling angry or angry?
84. Is it bad to steal to feed a hungry child?
85. If you paid more attention to the sad aspects of life, would you experience more internal conflicts?
86. If you learn from mistakes, why is it so bad to suffer defeat?
87. What in life could you pay more attention to?
88. Why do we think about other people the most when they are not around?
89. What does it mean to get the most out of your life?
90. In what did you give up, give up?
91. How many people do you really love and what do you do for them?
92. Do you ask enough questions, or are you happy with what you already know?
93. What were you doing the last time you lost track of time?
94. Would you be happy if you didn't have to work anymore?
95. If you could ask for one wish to come true, what would it be?
96. What inspires you in life?
97. What can you most not live without?
98. What do you like to do over and over again?
99. When was the last time you laughed until your stomach hurt?
100. What is stopping you from living the life you want to live? Hopefully, after studying these questions, your brain goes crazy with all sorts of thoughts and ideas. This is just what you need! By taking the time and effort to answer these questions, you will almost certainly find more depth in your life. If we always avoided important issues that provoke us to change our lives, nothing would change!